A Very Merry Christmas And A Happy New Year To All Of The Metro Readers!



To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown  Savannah  night before last 2009-05-27 at 1:43am. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

Non Alcoholic


1 1/2 cups espresso beans
3 cups boiling water
2 tbsp sugar
1 split vanilla bean
4 cups milk
4 oz bittersweet chocolate chopped

In a coffee mill, finely grind the beans. In a coffee maker, brew the espresso with the boiling water. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, combine the sugar and cinnamon and set aside. Using a small knife, scrape the seeds from the vanilla bean into a medium saucepan. Pour in the milk and scald over moderate heat, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat, add chocolate and stir until melted. Cover and keep warm over very low heat. Divide the hot espresso into 4 cups. In a blender, begin whipping half of the warm chocolate milk at low speed. Gradually increase the speed to high and blend until frothy, about 1 minute. Pour the chocolate milk into the cups of coffee, stir briefly and top each serving with some of the milk froth. Sprinkle the reserved cinnamon sugar on top. Serve with whipped cream


12 oz frozen lemonade concentrate
12 oz frozen orange concentrate
12 oz frozen pineapple concentrate
3 cinnamon sticks
12 whole cloves
1 cup sugar
2 cups water

Make all juices according to package directions. Combine and put in a 1 1/2 gallon pitcher/container. Put water, sugar, cinnamon sticks, and cloves in small sauce pan and simmer for 30 minutes. Add spice syrup to juices. May be served hot or cold.

NOW, LETS ADD SOME BOOZE.................


1 oz Jagermeister
1 oz Strawberry 1800® Tequila
strawberry slush

put all ingredients in cocktail shaker, shake and pour into martini glass, decorate with strawberry


4 oz Great Lakes Christmas ale
2.5 oz Jameson® Irish whiskey

Drop the shot of Jamo into a pint glass half full of Christmas Ale, then shoot like a Carbomb! You will shout Feliz Navidad!


1 oz spiced rum
1 oz Aftershock schnapps
2 oz Dr. Pepper® soda

Add Dr. Pepper and spiced rum, stir, then put Aftershock in and let it mix by itself.


3 oz Skyy® vodka
1 oz Midori® melon liqueur
1 oz Cointreau® orange liqueur
1 oz sweet and sour mix

Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice cubes. Shake well, strain into a large cocktail glass, and serve.


2 oz Luxardo® white sambuca
1 oz Goldschlager® cinnamon schnapps
1 oz apple schnapps
20 ml ginger syrup
90 ml apple juice
1-inch cube ginger root
1 pinch cinnamon powder

Crush the ginger root and add the ginger syrup, apple juice, sambuca and schnapps. Shake well and strain into a pina colada glass, which should be about half full of crushed ice. Add the goldschlager then sprinkle the cinnamon powder over the top. Serve with a slice of apple floating on the top, and a straw.


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