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From Our May 2001 Edition

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ll, the other day while I was yelling at the neighbor kids for being on my grass, I noticed that these rotten kids today don't have any good toys. All they care about is that brand name and how much it costs. Just thinking about those materialistic morons makes my butt hurt more than a good game of hide the belt. When I was a kid, we didn't need fancy schmancy toys to make us happy. We made due with what we had.

Nowadays these kids all have their razor scooters. "OOOHhhhh, this cost $200 watch me do a bunny hop". Listen kiddies, if you leave that scooter laying on my driveway once more you'll need a 59 cent spatula to pick it up. When I was a kid , if we wanted something to ride on, we'd nail a bunch of old boards to a wagon and push it down the driveway. Sure after one push you'd be laying in a pile of splinters and rusty nails, but we didn't care we loved it!!

And it seems that every kid nowadays has to have a Sony Playstation with the new hi tech realistic graphics. Well fiddle fooey, when I was a kid all we had was a Lite Brite and all that was, was a 500 Watt light bulb in a cardboard box. Then you would stick little sharp pieces of plastic into the box to make a picture. And the only picture you could make was a clown face and that would only last until the light bulb caught the cardboard box on fire, and then you'd spend the next 6 months stepping on sharp plastic lights in the carpet. It was a crappy toy, but we didn't care we loved it.

And last week, one of the parents of the rotten neighbor kids called me to plan a play date with my 3 year old. The last thing I need is to have some 41 year old insurance salesman deciding what is fun for my kid. When I was a kid we had no parental supervision and we played just fine. Maybe today's kids need to have fun like we had. Like booby trapping your backyard with garden tools, so that when your brother walks by, he steps on a rake and it pops up and hits him right where it counts. Or how about running up a slide backwards or peeing in alleys. These kids today don't know what they are missing.

So you keep buying your kids these fancy schmancy toys and I'll raise my kids the old fashioned way. And if your kids come to my house to make fun of my kids, tell them to watch out for rakes.

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The McCarty Metro - 9323 Sussex Avenue - Detroit, Michigan 48228

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