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ll itís September and that means those McCarty Grandbrats will be getting ready to go back to school! Just thinking about those Pathetic Pupils makes me hotter than the Bunsen Burners in Mrs. Korinskiís Science class. Going back to School was way better when I was a kid!

Oh I can see these Slacker Students showing up at school with their fancy schmancy backpacks with their iPads in them. When I was a kid, we didnít need backpacks. All I had was a tattered loose-leaf binder that was packed with wrinkled papers and #2 pencils. Sure, sometimes a big kid would knock the binder out of my hands and there would be white circle reinforcement stickers all over the place, but I didnít care I loved it! Because I had a protractor and a compass!

And these Cuckoo Curriculums in these schools nowadays arenít even real subjects. They have Motion Picture Editing, Animation, and Computer Graphics. When I was a kid, if you wanted an elective you took Woodshop. You made a Cutting Board, Pencil Box, and got the heck out of there. Sure you might lose a finger on band saw or pass out from smelling Linseed Oil, but we didnít care, we loved it!!

And you can bet these Moronic Moms and Dads will be going to Back-to-School Night, Parents Night, Meet the Teacher Night, Open House, and Teacherís Conferences. Fiddle Foey!! These schools will use any excuse to get those parents to sit in the miniature desk and chairs and talk to the boring teachers. When we were kids, I had a ďDonít Ask / Donít TellĒ Policy with my parents. They asked what I learned in school today and I say, ďNothingĒ. My parents didnít know anything about my teachers and my teachers didnít know about my parents, and we loved it!!

So you let your Kooky Kids go back to their new-age schools. But Iíve had it with this modern day education and Iím going to go to school and sit in one of those little desks so I look like a ďGiantĒ and Iím going to change a few things. Iím passing out old-fashioned school supplies! Iím doing away with all those sissy classes and passing out safety goggles and Band Aids. And donít try to throw me out because I have a pointy compass!

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