Fiddle Fooey

ll it’s May and you can bet those McCarty Grandbrats will be out celebrating Cinco De Mayo. Just thinking about those Mock Mexicans makes me hotter than a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos. When I was a kid, we honored the Mexican Culture and had a lot more fun doing it. 

You can bet those Grandbrats will be having a Faux Fiesta and drinking lots of Margaritas on Cinco De Mayo. They’ll be drinking Watermelon Margaritas, Cherry Margaritas, Orange Margaritas, and Chocolate Margaritas. When I was a kid, if you wanted a Mexican beverage you had two choices, a can of Tico Orange Pop or nothing!!. That Tico Soda Pop was only sold in Detroit and it was watered down to the point that it made Kool Aid taste zesty. Plus the can had a picture of a little Mexican Boy with a Sombrero leaning against a cactus. Sure it was a bad stereotype and racially insensitive but we didn’t care. We loved it! Because it made us burp.

And you can bet those Mock Mexicans will be eating lots of Guacamole, Nacho Chips, and Mini Tacos. When we were kids we had only one Latino Snack and it was Fritos Corn Chips. And they had the Greatest Spokesperson of all-time, the Frito Bandito. They made Frito Bandito Erasers, Stickers, Action Figures, and other stuff. That Bandito would have a big sombrero, mustache, and pistols and sing to us about stealing people’s Fritos. Sure he was a criminal with handguns, but we didn’t care we loved it! 

And then those Movie Watching Morons will try to watch some culturally significant movie like “My Familia” or “La Bamba”. We learned all we needed to know about the Hispanic Culture from watching “Speedy Gonzales”. We learned lots of Spanish words like “Andele”, “Arriba” and “Holy Frijoles”. Sure, he sounded exactly like the Frito Bandito, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

So you go celebrate Cinco De Mayo at a fancy Mexican restaurant. As for me, I’m gonna sit at home, watching Speedy Gonzales, eating Fritos, and washing it down with some Tico Soda Pop. Hasta La Vista!!!