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As a writer for the McCarty Metro, I consider it my civic duty to warn people about potential hazards. So, dear readers, take note: there is a bomb in your refrigerator!!!

No really, I mean it. In fact, there may be as many as 12 incendiary devices in your fridge. I say this because according to a news report I saw last night, people all over North America are being maimed and injured by exploding eggs. This is because lots of people are apparently trying to cook their eggs in the microwave... whole. Unfortunately, one of the nasty properties of sealed containers, like eggs, is that they don't do well under pressure. Nuke them for too long and you'll have microwave shrapnel in the wall, and of course, egg on your face. A trip through the kitchen will be like, well, walking on egg shells. And when your appliances start blowing up, it really makes you think about the fragility of life... and all the other big, eggistential questions.

What really worries me though is that my microwave instruction manual clearly says "Do not attempt to microwave the following items: soda cans, eggs in the shell, hand grenades, sealed glass bottles and/or nuclear devices. The Surgeon General suggests that doing so may cause small objects to hurtle toward your softer bits at high speed." This must mean that people are operating complex devices without reading the manual, or they don't understand the warnings. Either way, perhaps a brief household safety primer is order here:

Electricity - I know Uncle Bob once said that sticking a knife into the toaster was a quick and cheap way to get a perm, but do you really want to smolder for hours afterward? Or forget most of your high school years? Try to avoid direct contact with this stuff.

Toilet Bowl Cleaner - Never mix this with bleach, as it forms a deadly gas. Recent research suggests that this gas can later solidify into a blob and Hollywood has already demonstrated how dangerous those things can be.