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From Our March 1994 Issue

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ll I can just picture those rotten McCarty kids getting ready for another Easter. As I think about it, I get more jumpy than Bugs Bunny during Wabbit Season. Those kids are turning what used to be a fun holiday into another day of whining and screaming. 

First the little brats don't even dye eggs any more. And if they do, they dye their eggs in that rotten pastel food coloring dye that barely makes the egg turn a color. When I was a kid, we'd spit on a solid colored egg. We used toxic dyes to make our eggs bright and we loved it. Oh, our Mom would put the poisonous dyes in a bowl, blow the color away, and Walah! You'd get a brightly colored egg that you could be proud of! The dye was so strong it would soak right through the shell and stain the albumen. But we ate the eggs anyway because we was happy with what we had!

And these kids' parents don't even know what should be in an Easter Basket. Oh, they'll get cassette tapes, perfume, socks, and whatever else you can find in the checkout lane at K-Mart. When I was a kid, we got a huge Easter Basket loaded with enough sugar to make Raymond Burr climb out of the grave and run the 50 yard dash. We'd chew off the ears of our solid chocolate bunny, then pick its eyes out, and then we'd crack a tooth trying to eat its solid chocolate carcass. With no teeth, all we could eat was those sugary, pink and yellow fiberglass chickees, but we loved it! We ruined our teeth on cheap candy and we was better for it.

And you can bet your butt that my Mom will be hiding a bunch of those money filled plastic eggs for the little grandbrats so they can hunt all over the house to find money. Last year, Kevin found over $400 and Danny's wallet was missing. When I was a kid, all we searched the house for was foiled covered chocolate footballs so that my Mom didn't step on them. Cause if she did, she'd kick the crap out of us. 

Well this year, let those little brats ruin their own Easter. While they're whining and playing their stupid games, I'll be sitting at home with my big Easter Basket eating my rabbit ears and picking plastic grass out of my yellow chickees. And I'll be loving it! 

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The McCarty Metro - 9323 Sussex Avenue - Detroit, Michigan 48228

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