ll, it’s October and that means those McCarty Grandbrats will be in training. Just thinking of those Physical Fitness Fanatics makes me hotter than when I mixed up my Preparation H with Atomic Balm. We didn’t do all this training when we were kids.

That Proud Power Lifter Amanda McCarty will be doing weight lifting and lifting more weight than I ever dreamed of. When I was a kid we had a set of weights from Grants Department Store. Those weights were cement wrapped in cheap blue plastic. Sure, every time my brothers dropped the weights a cloud of cement dust would go in the air like when the Sands Hotel in Las Vegas was imploded, but, we didn’t care, we loved it.

And that Idiotic Iron Man Austin McCarty will be training for some upcoming Iron Man events. He’ll be swimming, bicycling, and running all over the Detroit Metro Area. When we were kids, my brother Mike invented the SusComb 500 which was supposed to be a 500 lap bicycle race around Sussex and Whitcomb. Sure, everyone got bored and quit after about 20 laps or when their bicycle chains fell off, but we didn’t care, we loved it.

And you can bet those Spoiled Spendthrift McCartys will be getting all kinds of expensive equipment, as if that is going to make them perform better. They’ll have running shoes, reflective running clothes, running sunglasses, and activity trackers. They’ll even get nipple guards that prevent their shirt from rubbing on their nipples and make them look like a cheap stripper. When we were kids the only thing had were the Blue Light Special Sneakers that my Mom would buy at Kmart. Sure the soles of those shoes were plastic and if they got wet, they fell apart. But we didn’t care, we loved it.

So, you let those Work out Weenies train for the crazy events they want. As for me, I’m going get in shape the old fashioned way by putting on my K-Mart Blue Light Special gym shoes and hitting the Grants Department Store weights. And in just a few weeks I’ll be ready to compete in a bike race, if only I can get the chain back on my stingray.

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