its Christmastime and that means those McCarty Grandbrats
will be having all kinds of fancy schmancy meals.
They will be making all kinds of food with exotic
and expensive ingredients. Just
thinking of those Epicurian Idiots makes me more incensed
than Father Bertrum at a High Mass.
We didnít need all of that fancy stuff when we
were kids, and we were better off for it!!
These Kooky Cocktail
Connoisseurs will be having Lemon Drop Martinis, Cranberry
Martinis, Candy Cane Cosmopolitans, and Poinsettia Punch.
When I was a kid if you came to my dad for a Cocktail
you got a choice of 2 things.
You got a ďHigh BallĒ or you got nothing!!
Those High Balls were made from cheap Kessler Whiskey
and Soda Pop. 7-Up was
too rich for our blood, so my Dad used Town Clubís
ďSparkle-UpĒ and topped it off with a Farmer Jack
Maraschino Cherry. Sure,
our Aunts would have to drink about 12 of them watered down
drinks to catch a buzz, but they didnít care, they loved
Christmas Dinner Dorks nowadays love to make all kinds of
fancy dinners. Ewwwwwwww,
we are having short-ribs with a blah blah sauceÖ.
Well Fa La La La La La!
When I was a kid, all we had for Christmas was a
Honey Baked Ham that my dad would get from the police
we didnít need no sissy sauce on our ham, my Dad would
dowse that ham in Towne Club Ginger Ale until it was
floating in that stuff. Sure
that Ham ended up tasting like a Vernorís float but we
didnít care, we loved it!
And you can bet those Holiday
Humdrums will be going to cookie exchanges and baking lots
of crappy cookies while drinking bottles of cheap wine.
Sure, they get to laugh it up and have a good time,
and I get stuck with a bunch of undercooked Snickerdoodles
with powered sugar all over them.
When we were kids, we didnít need those fancy
cookies. My Dad
would bring us that crappy blue tin with stale butter
cookies in it. Sure,
when we dipped them in milk it would suck all of the milk
out of your glass and they would still be hard as a rock,
but we didnít care, we loved it.
Because it was Christmas!
you Dining Derelicts have your fancy Christmas.
As for me Iím getting a couple cases of Towne Club
Pop and a Fifth of Kesslers and we are going to have an Old
Fashioned Christmas like we used to!!
Iíll be making Red Pop Manhattans,
Lemon-Lime Whiskey Sours,
Orange-Pineapple Juleps, Black Cherry Toddies, and
Panther Piss Fizzes. Cheers!!!