|
THE BEST OF
From
Our Edition March, 2005 Edition |
|
. |
|
 ll,
I’m sick and tired of these little McCarty grand brats
being such picky eaters. The food has to be just right or
else they turn up their noses. Just thinking of those
epicurean idiots makes me hotter than the inside of my
tuna pot pie.
|
|
|
Those
little finicky fussbudgets have to have their Hot Pockets
and their Go-Gurts. Like their lives are so complicated
they have to save time by sucking yogurt out of a tube on
the run. How much time are they saving anyway? When I was
a kid if we wanted a quick meal, we got cheese and
crackers or a Swanson TV Dinner. My mom would fold back
the aluminum foil on the TV Dinner, so she didn’t burn
the Apple Brown Betty. After 40 minutes, you’d have a
fine meal of Salisbury steak and peas & carrots. Sure,
the Salisbury steak had a frozen center and the veggies
were stuck to the aluminum tray, but we didn’t care we
loved it, because we were happy with what we had. |
|
And
you can never get those on-the-go goofballs to sit down 5
minutes for dinner. “Oh, I have to go to soccer practice
and then sit in the Abercrombie internet chat room.”
Fiddle Fooey! When I was a kid, we all sat down for dinner
together. There were ten of us and we only six chairs, but
we were together. Sure, I had to sit in an old highchair and
Mom and Larry had to sit on the piano bench, because they
were left-handed, but we didn’t care we loved it!! Because
we were together.
|
|
And
when it comes to drinks, these beverage buffoons have to
have their own private mini bar. They have their Red
Bulls, and their Propel Fitness Water, and their juice
boxes with tiny straws. When I was a kid we didn’t
need no fancy schmancy beverages. If you wanted a drink
with dinner, you got two choices…. You got Full 100%
Fat Vitamin D Homogenized Milk, or you got nothin! And
if you wanted a drink of water, you went in the backyard
and got a drink from the hose. We were bloated from
lactose, but we didn’t care, we loved it! Because if
someone laughed, the milk came out their nose. |
|
|
So,
you continue to wait on your little coddled kiddies, but
tell them if they come to my house they’re getting a
crappy TV Dinner and a warm cup of milk. And they better
not spill anything on my piano bench. |
|
.
|
.
|
|
|
