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THE BEST OF
From
Our May 1994 Edition |
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 ll, nowadays, as soon as a commercial comes on, I grab the remote control and go channel surfing faster than Moon Doggie on the old Gidget movies. These crappy commercials from today make me more upset than Mr. Whipple after a big dump with no
Charmin!
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When I was a kid, we had good commercials with good dialog. "Take out Funny Bone - HA! HA! HA!. Now that was humor! These commercials today spend the whole 60 seconds with the camera jumping around faster than Flying Fred Curry in a frying pan. Who's holding the camera, Howard
Cosell? I guess they figure if they hold the camera still, we might see what crap we're buying.
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And these celebrity endorsements drive me nuts. If I gotta see that Metro Tire commercial with Probie once more, I'm gonna go find Dwayne-Buddy and stick that cellular phone up his butt. It's been 3 years... WE GET IT!!! Celebrity endorsements when I was a kid consisted of Mr. Belvedere showing you some fat lady's aluminum siding while his phone number flashed across his chest. Sure he was nasal and boring, but we loved it!
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And nowadays, you got all of these products advertised that we used to get our mouths washed out for talking about. You can't watch a show without seeing feminine protection, women's underpants, or June Allison peeing all over herself. When I was a kid, the dirtiest commercial we had was trying to get kids to say, "You sunk my Battleship!" while holding their tongue.
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I've had it with these crummy commercials, I'm boycotting all products that advertise on TV. I'm only buying products that are advertised in the magazines I read. So from this point forward on birthdays and holidays, you can expect Joy Buzzers, X-Ray Glasses, Sea Monkeys...
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