The McCarty Metro - Jerry's World

ll it’s June and that means the 17th Annual Dan McCarty Golf Classic is coming up. I can just picture all of those Goofy Golfing Grandbrats sitting around talking about how generous and great Uncle Dan was. Those Pathetic Putters make me more teed off than Larry McCarty in a Par 5 fairway. Dan McCarty would hate this Dan McCarty Golf Classic!

Those Golf Ball Beggars will be lining up to get their 3 Free New Golf Balls before the DMGC so everyone can play the same Top Flight #2 Ball. Dan McCarty never played a new ball in his life. In fact, he constructed an extra long ball retriever so he could fish out lost balls from the mosquito infested drainage lakes. Sure Danny would be playing a water logged ball with toad crap on it, but he didn’t care he loved it! Because it was free!!

And, you can bet those Drinking Dorks will be waiting for the beverage cart and giving huge tips to the hot chick for a frozen Bud Light. Fiddle Foey! Dan McCarty was so cheap he wouldn’t have spent a dime on that beverage cart. Danny would fill up an empty milk jug with Hose Water and put it in the freezer the night before golf. Then he would put it in his golf bag so it would melt during his round. Sure it tasted like a sour, milky, plastic freeze pop, but we didn’t care we love it! Because we happy to have something cold!

After the Dan McCarty Golf Classic those Hungry Hungry Hipsters will be lined up at the buffet eating Hamburgers, Bologna, Ham, Salami, Cheese, and Potato Salad. If you wanted to eat something while golfing with DJ, you got a choice of 2 things. You ate a warm bruised pear that was in his golf bag, or you got nothing!! Once in a while you’d get lucky and there would be a bruised apple or a mushy plum. Danny’s golf bag was like a Pez Dispenser for bad fruit. Sure, we would end up getting diarrhea on the back nine holes, but we didn’t care we loved it!!

So you Dufus Duffers go and have a good time at this year’s Dan McCarty Golf Classic. As for me I’m gonna play a round of golf that Danny would be proud of. You’ll find me in the weeds by the 14th Hole looking for balls and eating bad fruit…….. Uhhhh. I don’t feel so good.