Do you scratch your head and say “huh?” while watching the Detroit Tigers on TV? Whether you are new viewers or regulars, you are not alone in your confusion at things that come out of the mouth of Tigers broadcasters Rod Allen and Mario Impemba. So, here is a handy guide to help you interpret the Tigers broadcasters as the team makes it September run for the pennant. 


Quality (Example: “Cabrera had a quality at-bat.”) 

Therefore (Example: “Garko did not get a good enough lead, and Laird has a cannon behind the dish; therefore Garko was thrown out trying to steal second base.”)

Contact (Edwin Jackson pitches to contact.) FYI: This is Rod’s way of saying Jackson doesn’t strike out many batters.

Quality, Outstanding (Mario uses both words interchangeably.)

Boatload, ton (Mario uses these words interchangeably, also. As in “He has a ton of extra-base hits” or “Verlander has a boatload of strikeouts.”)


Comerica Park isn’t the only thing with a sponsor’s name attached to it. Mario & Rod offer these during a Tigers game.
Aflac Trivia
Belle Tire Pitch by Pitch
Cabot Wood Stain Legendary Performance
AT&T Rapid Rewind
Lincoln/Mercury X-Mo
Comerica Bank Game Summary


WHAT ROD SAYS: “He gets two inherited runners that he inherited.” 
WHAT ROD MEANS: A relief pitcher enters the game with two runners on base.

WHAT ROD SAYS: “His contact-to-damage ratio is through the roof.”
WHAT ROD MEANS: The player is a good hitter. 

WHAT MARIO SAYS: “Jackson had a ton of strikeouts in another quality start.” 
WHAT MARIO MEANS: The pitcher had a good game.

WHAT ROD SAYS: “He gets a good secondary lead.”
WHAT ROD MEANS: Honestly, the Metro doesn’t know what he means. Simply, a baserunner takes a lead-off from the base, but we’ve never heard of secondary and tertiary, etc. leads.

Here are a few Rod Allen quotes from the July 10 game.

ROD’S PRECISENESS: “They need his bat in the batting lineup.”

ROD’S MIND-READING SKILLS: (After Josh Anderson was hit by a pitch): “He can’t even think straight right now.” (Which would qualify Josh to be a Tigers broadcaster.)

ROD’S KNOWLEDGE OF SKILLED TRADES: “Garko is not an outfielder by trade.” (Apparently, U.S. high schools’ most popular trade classes are carpentry, plumbing and outfielding.)

And in the Aug. 9 game, ROD HELPS US TO UNDERSTAND DIFFICULT CONCEPTS: “You must differentiate between offense and defense.” (I think I’ve almost got it: Offensive players are the guys with bats, and defensive players are the guys with gloves.)

OK, you know their favorite words. But you must do two other things to sound like these two broadcasters:
1. Talk nonstop and repetitively.
2. And, most important, you must learn to use your nouns and verbs in a twisted manner. Both Rod and Mario are masters at this. Here is an imaginary example:
MARIO: He has the stuff to get himself out of a jam, does Verlander.
ROD: Verlander does. But the man at the plate is leading the Twins in doubles with men in scoring position after the seventh inning, and he has the ability to deliver the big hit, does Joe Mauer.
MARIO: They both deliver a ton of hits for the Twins, do Mauer and Morneau. 
ROD: Do they ever. And he knows it, too, does Verlander.

Soon, vendors at Tiger Stadium will be required to do Rodspeak and Mariospeak. Be ready for conversations such as:
YOU: I would like a bag of peanuts and a beer, please.
VENDOR: They cost a total of $29.50, do the peanuts and beer. 

Bottom line: Rod and Mario make the game entertaining, with help from Cabrera, Verlander, Granderson, Jackson, Inge et al.

tigers.gif Detroit Tigers image by Drewdd69