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Well it’s Halloween and than means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be dressing up in their costumes. When we were kids, we dressed up as scary people like Frankenstein’s Monster or Dracula. The most popular costume this year is supposed to be Harry Potter. Just thinking about those Nerdy Nincompoops makes me hotter than the candle inside the caved-in Pumpkin that’s sitting on my porch. Halloween was a lot better when we were kids.
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Those Costumed Kiddies will be showing up at my front door with some little pumpkin-shaped bucket to put candy in. And it will take me about 20 minutes to stuff a Snickers bar in the tiny opening. When we were kids we would just take the pillow case from our bed and walk around the neighborhood and get tons of candy. Sure the pillow case would get filthy from being dragged on the ground and you’d wake up from sleeping the next morning with a Milk Dud stuck to your face, but we didn’t care, we loved it. |
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And those Healthy Halloweenies will be showing up on my porch with their special requests. “Ewww. My mother doesn’t allow me to have processed
sugar! Do you have a fruit snack or a granola bar?” I feel like
sayin’, did your mother dress you up as a wussy tonight too? When we were kids we got the most sugary, sticky, unhealthy candy you could get. We got Squirrels, Mary
Janes, Dots, Necco Wafers, and Lik-m-Aid. And we’d eat that candy while we were still trick or treating so we could get so wired up on sugar that we could walk for miles trick or treating. Sure it was hard to even say “Trick or Treat” with a mouthful of Ju Ju Bees, but we didn’t care, we loved it. |
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And those
"No-good Neighbors" of mine will be decorating their houses with fake spider webs and black lights to make them look scary.
Fiddlefoey!! When we were kids we had really scary houses in the neighborhood. Across the street we had the Richter house which had a broken-off screen door, a rusted El Camino in the driveway, and beer cans and underpants in the bushes. Sure, we’d walk up to that house shaking more than Muhammed Ali eating a Popsicle, but we didn’t care we loved it, because it was scary! |
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So you take your Teenie Trick or Treaters around to the 5 houses on your street and let them eat their fancy schmancy fruit snacks, but I’m gonna get out my old Frankenstein mask and have an old fashioned Halloween. I’m gonna knock on doors and ask for the most sugary candy my neighbors have and if they don’t have any candy, I’m gonna just tell them to pour a cup of sugar in my pillowcase. And I’m gonna get all wired up on processed sugar and go to every house in the neighborhood….Including the
Richters!!!
Happy Halloween!!
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