Well it’s June and that means those little Grandbrats will be getting on their fancy schmancy foreign bicycles. Just thinking of those two-wheel twits riding on their titanium frame mountain bikes, makes my butt ache more a brand new bicycle seat. We had way more fun riding bikes when I was a kid.
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Those biking buffoons will have all kinds of accessories on their bikes. Oh, they will have multi-speed bicycles with toe-clips and racing seats. When I was a kid, everybody rode around on the same style Stingray bikes with a banana seat and a sissy bar.  And there was one speed and if you wanted to go faster you just pedaled faster or you put a baseball card between the spokes, so it sounded like it was going fast.   And we didn’t need a stinkin’ water bottle holder because if you got thirsty, you’d pull over and drink out of some guy’s garden hose. Sure the chain would fall off every time you used the brakes, but we didn’t care, we loved it, because we were happy with what we had.

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And you can be those Safety Conscious Sissies will be wearing helmets, cycling pants, and knee pads in case they fall. One time when we were kids, Neal Nation rode his Stingray into the Horseshoe Pit wearing nothing but a pair of jean cut-offs, a white undershirt, and a Detroit Tiger baseball cap. When he came out of the pit he did a 360 degree flip and had no safety protection at all. Sure, he got hit in the head with a horseshoe and almost impaled himself on the horseshoe stake, but we didn’t care because we loved it!!
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And those Preventative Maintenance Morons will take their bicycles in for maintenance at their local bike shop to get the brakes adjusted, spokes tightened, and graphite lubricant put on all the moving parts. When I was a kid all we needed was a can of 3-in-1 oil and a pliers and we could fix anything on that bike. If there was something rubbing you bent it out of the way. Sure our bikes were a wobbly, oily mess riding down the rode, but we didn’t care we were happy with what we had.

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So keep on pampering your pedaling prima donnas, but I’m going to get my old Stingray out with the banana seat and put a little 3-in-1 oil all over it, and give it to Evan. I can see him now riding down the street with a Manny Ramirez baseball card in the spokes. Hey!! Watch out for that Horseshoe Pit!! Nevermind!!

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