It seems that a lot of people are dieting
recently, trying everything from an all-carbohydrate to an
all-protein mix. Pepé has another suggestion, one that has worked
through zee ages: zee "Beer-Me" diet. Personally, I have
a "liquid dinner" every time I go to zee club on Friday
Fact: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost
all water, and zee part that isn't water is almost pure
average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories
for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose zee medically safe
two to three pounds a week. On zee "Beer-Me" diet, that
equates to at least 12 beverages a day for women, and 15 for men.
A measurable goal.
alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes zee water to flush out
almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen
including deep knee bends (getting out of zee chair), fast walking
(very good for your heart) and squats (as zee case may be).
beer actually helps you sleep-even when you aren't necessarily
tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may
have experienced in sleep deprivation, counting calories on those
other fad diets. In addition, you may experience zee occasional
"How did I get here?" when you wake up, which always
makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional exercise if
you have to sneak out and run home.
"Beer-Me" diet is good for your heart. After just one
day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly
want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help
prevent heart attacks.
Fact: On zee
"Beer-Me" diet you can eat anything you want. Zee only
rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed
at least half of zee day's required beers. This way zee food will
probably only stay in your body a short time, until you again
exercise zee deep knee bends, quick walk and, this time, zee
"lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.
drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of exercise are
common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst,
as is chasing members of zee opposite sex. If you really want to
maximize your workout, try actually walking up to zee bar, versus
using a waitress. To take this to zee extreme, you could even get
up and get someone else a beer-perhaps someone who is newer to zee
diet plan than yourself.
Fact: Beer is
cheaper than Jenny Craig.
Based on these facts, let's run through a given
scenario for... how you say... diet implementation.
Caution: This is a
weekend diet plan, and should be attempted during zee work week by
only zee staunchest of dieters.
Monday through Thursday: Eat junk food, and basically be a
"huge," swing by zee liquor store and stock up. Go to
favorite place of beer drinking and begin zee consumption process
(remember 12 for women, 15 for men).
Saturday: Wake up
(as required) and lounge around all day, feeling slightly smaller
after expunging any food that you may have accidentally consumed
(particularly if it involved beef jerky from zee 7 Eleven). Take
aspirin. Notice that you have absolutely no interest in food,
Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite has still not returned.
Perhaps only meet half of your consumption goal due to an ongoing
discussion with "zee dog t 364 hat bit you." This is a
good thing, as only half-consumption means less than 1,000
calories for zee day, and you still don't feel hungry.
Sunday (a.m.): Wake up for mandatory sports day. This is a very
convenient diet during football season, but it can be successfully
implemented year-round. There is some major professional sport being
played every day of zee year except zee day before and zee day after
zee Major League All-Star game (fact-look it up). Consumption on
this day should be paced to cover zee entire day-you don't want to
peak too soon. Again you notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling
thinner all zee time. Don't forget zee aspirin.
Monday: Return to work,
feeling thinner, well rested, and surprisingly mellow. Mark your log
book, and begin preparation for zee upcoming weekend. Happy dieting.
National Baked Bean Month
National Culinary Arts Month <
National Hot Dog Month <
National Ice Cream Month <
National July Belongs to Blueberries Month
National Catfish Month
National Peach Month
National Brownies at Brunch Month
Whopper vs. Big Mac
OUR READER'S FAVORITE RECIPES
Make this festive Flag Cake this Memorial Day or Fourth of July and be the
talk of the party. Please join us and share with my readers YOUR favorite recipes to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. They could show up here.
White cake mix + ingredients on box
1 package JELL-O, red flavor
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup cold water
3 1/2 cups Cool Whip
1 pint strawberries, sliced
1 cup blueberries
1 cup miniature marshmallows
Grease 13 x 9 pan
with margarine and dust lightly with flour. Prepare, mix and
bake cake mix according to package directions. Cool cake for 15
large fork, make holes in cake about every 1/2 inch. Pour
gelatin into mixing bowl. Add cup of boiling water and use
scraper to mix thoroughly until gelatin is completely dissolved.
Use measuring cup to pour gelatin over cake. (It will run down
into holes, making sliced cake have red stripes.) Chill cake in
refrigerator 3 to 4 hours. Cover tray with aluminum foil. Put
about one inch of warm water in kitchen sink. Take pan out of
refrigerator and dip bottom (don't let water come up over sides)
into water for about 10 seconds. Put large tray on top of cake,
and invert. Frost sides and top with whipped topping. Arrange
strawberries and marshmallows in alternating rows for stripes,
leaving upper left for field of blueberries. Chill again until
time to serve.
OUR SUBSCRIBERS SPEAK OUT!
kitchens garlic noodles...
Mmmm! Good! -Gwenda
It is amazing that so many folks
rave about the crudely executed junk at this Chowhound temple.
On 2 occasions the place was packed with sycophantic Ali worshippers, who I believe must be turning a blind eye (or palate) to
the godawful grub he's making. I know that this place is a cult favorite, but
the food stinks. -Ed
WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU... SHARE YOUR FAVES AND FRAUDS