Zee "Beer-Me" Diet

It seems that a lot of people are dieting recently, trying everything from an all-carbohydrate to an all-protein mix. Pepé has another suggestion, one that has worked through zee ages: zee "Beer-Me" diet. Personally, I have a "liquid dinner" every time I go to zee club on Friday night!

Fact: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and zee part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates.
Fact: Zee average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose zee medically safe two to three pounds a week. On zee "Beer-Me" diet, that equates to at least 12 beverages a day for women, and 15 for men. A measurable goal.
Fact: Zee alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes zee water to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of zee chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (as zee case may be).
Fact: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep-even when you aren't necessarily tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may have experienced in sleep deprivation, counting calories on those other fad diets. In addition, you may experience zee occasional "How did I get here?" when you wake up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional exercise if you have to sneak out and run home.
Fact: Zee "Beer-Me" diet is good for your heart. After just one day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.
Fact: On zee "Beer-Me" diet you can eat anything you want. Zee only rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half of zee day's required beers. This way zee food will probably only stay in your body a short time, until you again exercise zee deep knee bends, quick walk and, this time, zee "lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.
Fact: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of exercise are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst, as is chasing members of zee opposite sex. If you really want to maximize your workout, try actually walking up to zee bar, versus using a waitress. To take this to zee extreme, you could even get up and get someone else a beer-perhaps someone who is newer to zee diet plan than yourself.
Fact: Beer is cheaper than Jenny Craig.

Based on these facts, let's run through a given scenario for... how you say... diet implementation.

Caution: This is a weekend diet plan, and should be attempted during zee work week by only zee staunchest of dieters.

Monday through Thursday: Eat junk food, and basically be a slob.
Friday: Feeling "huge," swing by zee liquor store and stock up. Go to favorite place of beer drinking and begin zee consumption process (remember 12 for women, 15 for men).
Saturday: Wake up (as required) and lounge around all day, feeling slightly smaller after expunging any food that you may have accidentally consumed (particularly if it involved beef jerky from zee 7 Eleven). Take aspirin. Notice that you have absolutely no interest in food, anyway.
Saturday (p.m.): Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite has still not returned. Perhaps only meet half of your consumption goal due to an ongoing discussion with "zee dog t 364 hat bit you." This is a good thing, as only half-consumption means less than 1,000 calories for zee day, and you still don't feel hungry.

Sunday (a.m.): Wake up for mandatory sports day. This is a very convenient diet during football season, but it can be successfully implemented year-round. There is some major professional sport being played every day of zee year except zee day before and zee day after zee Major League All-Star game (fact-look it up). Consumption on this day should be paced to cover zee entire day-you don't want to peak too soon. Again you notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling thinner all zee time. Don't forget zee aspirin.
: Return to work, feeling thinner, well rested, and surprisingly mellow. Mark your log book, and begin preparation for zee upcoming weekend. Happy dieting.





National Baked Bean Month 
National Culinary Arts Month < 
National Hot Dog Month < 
National Ice Cream Month < 
National July Belongs to Blueberries Month 

National Catfish Month 
National Peach Month 
National Brownies at Brunch Month

Whopper vs. Big Mac


PEPE'S NOTE: Make this festive Flag Cake this Memorial Day or Fourth of July and be the talk of the party. Please join us and share with my readers YOUR favorite recipes to me at reply@mccartymetro.com. They could show up here.



White cake mix + ingredients on box
1 package JELL-O, red flavor
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup cold water
3 1/2 cups Cool Whip
1 pint strawberries, sliced
1 cup blueberries
1 cup miniature marshmallows


Grease 13 x 9 pan with margarine and dust lightly with flour. Prepare, mix and bake cake mix according to package directions. Cool cake for 15 minutes. With large fork, make holes in cake about every 1/2 inch. Pour gelatin into mixing bowl. Add cup of boiling water and use scraper to mix thoroughly until gelatin is completely dissolved. Use measuring cup to pour gelatin over cake. (It will run down into holes, making sliced cake have red stripes.) Chill cake in refrigerator 3 to 4 hours. Cover tray with aluminum foil. Put about one inch of warm water in kitchen sink. Take pan out of refrigerator and dip bottom (don't let water come up over sides) into water for about 10 seconds. Put large tray on top of cake, and invert. Frost sides and top with whipped topping. Arrange strawberries and marshmallows in alternating rows for stripes, leaving upper left for field of blueberries. Chill again until time to serve.



Ann's secret kitchens garlic noodles...

Mmmm! Good! -Gwenda

Kabab Cafe

It is amazing that so many folks rave about the crudely executed junk at this Chowhound temple. On 2 occasions the place was packed with sycophantic Ali worshippers, who I believe must be turning a blind eye (or palate) to the godawful grub he's making. I know that this place is a cult favorite, but the food stinks. -Ed


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