| . | | CAN WE GET ALONG
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During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four basic religious truths: 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
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2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
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3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
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4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters. |
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REARRANGE THE LETTERS
DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER |
| The REAL Six
Truths of Life
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 | Never Argue With A Woman
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One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. | 
| She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent. Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?"). "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left. THE MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think. |
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| . | ALPHABET FOR THE OLD
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A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains , perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure-I'd rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can't show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few.
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two .
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tintinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind. |
|  Secret weekend rendezvous with girlfriend. $3500 Lease new Lincoln Navigator for wife.
$25,000 per year
Using a city charge card like your own.
$212,000
Legal fees for whistle blowing cover-ups.
$9,000,000
Pending lawsuits against the city. $150,000,000 | 
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Exposing the Mayor and his girlfriend for lying under oath... Priceless!! There are some things money can't buy... For everything else there is the "Kwame card" Just ask the Taxpayers of Detroit. 
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How the internet has changed the McCarty Metro
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There must be a better way to log off
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Indian Tribe Name
A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests, the Doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no problems. I did notice one abnormality however." "Oh, what is that, Doctor?" "Well, you have no nipples." "None of the people in my tribe have nipples," she replied. "That is amazing," said the doctor. "I'd like to write this up for The South Dakota Journal of Medicine if you don't mind. She said, "OK." "First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?" She answered, "Approximately 500." "And what is the name of your tribe?" Asked the doctor. Running Doe replied, "We're called .... Indiannippleless Five Hundred | 
|
 | Some Irish Humor? |
| Maggie O'Malley, desperate to get married, went to the personal ads in her local newspaper and inserted an ad that said "Husband Wanted!" The next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." |
| Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi... Darn! There goes another one!" |
| Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. "Help!" Barty shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there." Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. Mick said to Barty, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help." As Mick was leaving, Barty called "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups? |
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