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We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration.
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 |  | | Chris & Amanda moments after the proposal | The McCarty's pose | | . | . |
DATELINE: TEXAS HOLD 'EM TOURNAMENT & CHILI COOK OFF
The first annual Texas Hold Em Tournament and Chili Cook-off to benefit the Lupus Alliance of Michigan will be held on February 28, 2008. For all the information, plus to pre-register $100 Buy In with $50 one time only re-buy, go to the website below. Chili Cook Off will be held during the tournament. Anyone can enter their own concoction! Prizes for best, worst and hottest chili will be awarded! A cash bar will be available for Beer and Wine. Doors Open at 6:00 PM. Please come and show your support. The sponsors for the event are The McCarty Metro, and JB Bieske. attorney at law - Bieske & Associates http://milupus.org/dynamic/texasfeb08.htm
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DATELINE GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN
Disco is NOT dead! Karen and I dressed up in '70s attire for a dinner/dance in Grand Rapids on Jan. 26. We did the Hustle on stage, before we were hustled off. A good time was had by all and a lot of money was raised for Karen's school, Immanuel-St. James Lutheran School. Karen's comment upon seeing my shirt: "You gotta wonder what the guy who owned this looked like."
 |  | .Mike was telling the story all night long of the one that got away. It was a Whopper!
ED NOTE: Must have been scared off by the shirt. | | . | . |
| DATELINE: GULL LAKE
Hi Guys hope all is well!!!! "For lo, the winter is almost past, the rain is over and gone; the flowers will appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle(on turtle island) is heard in our land." Yes we only have four short months until the next Frank Merriam "Full Moon" Back to Gull Lake where such famous sayings started....... like ... "It opens up over there" "That's not fair", "Coors lite baby", "Nice shot Kelly" I have made reservations for one villa on Tuesday May 13th and four villas starting May 14th. Reservations are four 16 people starting Wednesday 5/13 to Friday 5/16 Papa Smurf and his group will be returning again this year. The F ing guy is back and The Milk Man will be delivering. Arrival: Tuesday, the 13 of May, 2008 (1 Villa) Departure: Friday, the 16 of May, 2008 Number of Nights: 3 Package Cost: $305.85 per person based on a foursome-4 day / 3 night package $216.90 per person based on a foursome-3 day / 2 night package (Prices quoted include applicable taxes) Carts: $14 per person per 18 hole round. Groups are able to pre-pay carts if the entire group would like to do this for scheduled rounds. Please let the villa office know this in advance and we can add this into your package price. Extra rounds can be paid at each pro-shop and rain outs will be refunded on a credit card or with a refund check. The package fees above do not include carts. The Committee has decided to fall back to 27 holes (first 18 own ball, 2nd 9 scramble) of golf per day, giving us more time to drink. If we decide to play more golf on a given day we just need to pay cart fees of $7.00 per 9 holes. I've made the starting tee times later in the AM to allow for drive time and relaxation. Time to practice for the Guller.... http://pgacharitychallenge.worldgolftour.com |
| . | DATELINE KRESBAUGH / GIROUX WEDDING
Friends... Please check out our wedding website Heather and I have created. We are looking forward so much to getting married in just 8 short months from now....well, actually 259 more days! We have recently registered at Bed Bath and Beyond and have also booked our Honeymoon to El Dorado Seaside Suites in Riveria Maya Mexico. We are still adding information to our website, but please check it out when you have a chance! -Dan Kresbaugh http://girouxkresbaughwedding.com
. DATELINE: WHATWOOD, DELAWARE
Here are some pics from our trip out to see Andy and Ann's family between Christmas and New Year's. We went to see the Dupont house grounds in Delaware. The estate was called Wintertur or something like that. Good time.
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 Dear Grandma Jean: I like to recycle things. Newspapers, cans, bottles, the whole 9 yards. My new husband has a lot of bellybutton lint. Can that be recycled? |  | Funny you should mention that, because with 8 kids and a husband, I have cleaned out a lot of naval lint. I too, like to recycle. Here are just a few of the things that I used McCarty belly button lint for... I lent some to Larry for his first really fake mutton chop sideburns. I painted some green and used it as grass for my kids Easter baskets. I also replace the dryer lint since I am using that now as recycled cotton balls. Here's a good use... Don't wanna forget something? Tie some navel lint around your finger! Finally, somthing Dr. Koots shared with me. These 2 magical words.... Dental Floss! |
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February quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?" 
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FEDERAL DIGITAL TV CONVERTER BOX PROGRAM BEGINS
If you don’t own a digital TV or HDTV, and don’t plan on getting one by February 17th, 2009 then you might want to check out the Federal Government’s TV Converter Box Program. The feds has started taking requests for a subsidized coupon of $40 to help offset the cost of buying a TV converter so you can continue to receive over-the-air broadcasts. If you haven’t heard at midnight on February 17, 2009, most television stations in the United States will stop broadcasting in analog and switch to all digital. The move will free up airwaves for use by emergency responders plus a portion of the spectrum is going up for sale via a public auction. The coupons will begin mailing on February 17th of this year and will be available until the date of the switch or when they run out funds.
Important Tax Reminder Don't forget to pay your taxes...... 
Muchas gracias!
21 million illegal aliens are depending on you! |
| Hot Seller! Nokia has finally designed a cell phone for people... 
...who need to make a cell phone
call while in Detroit. |
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CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS ED NOTE: I encourage all my readers to send in your celebrity sightings to the McCarty Metro. Each month, we will post them, and the best ones will be nominated for an M&M award in February.
.  |  | | The Steves - Steve Y and Steve O | The 'Elles' - Lar meets Lindsey on a cruise ship |
Check Out This Hilarious Video And Audio Clips | | Glow Mountain Dew Need a nightlight?
Just do the dew Click For Video | Miracle Cure This works great for the
shy and timid types Click For Video | Babies vs. Dads Watch babies get the best of their Dad (bring back memories Steve?) Click For Video |
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| THE McCARTY METRO
VIN NUMBERS |
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Here is info worth the price of your car...WHAT WILL the car thieves THINK OF NEXT? The car thieves peer through the windshield of your car or truck, write down the VIN # from the label on the dash, go to the local car dealership and request a duplicate key based on the VIN #. I didn't believe this e-mail, so I called Chrysler-Dodge and pretended I had lost my keys They told me to just bring in the VIN #, and they would cut me one on the spot, and I could Order the keyless device if I wanted. The Car Dealer's Parts Department will make a duplicate key from the VIN #, and collect payment from the thief who will return to your car. He doesn't have to break in, do any damage to the vehicle, or draw attention to himself All he has to do is walk up to your car, insert the key and off he goes to a local chop shop with your vehicle. You don't believe It? It IS that easy. To avoid this from happening to you, simply put some tape (electrical tape, duct tape or medical tape) across the VIN Metal Label located on the dash board. By law, you cannot remove the VIN, but you CAN cover it so it can't be viewed through the windshield by a car thief. I Slipped a 3 x 5 card over the VIN NUMBER. PASS THIS INFORMATION ON TO ALL YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS |
        | Ike Turner, 76, American R&B musician and record producer, ex-husband of Tina Turner, emphysema. Shawn Eckardt, 40, American bodyguard and businessman, conspired to assault Nancy Kerrigan, natural causes. Dan Fogelberg, 56, American singer-songwriter ("Same Old Lang Syne"), prostate cancer. Stu Nahan, 81, American sportscaster, appeared in all "Rocky" movies, and "Fast Times at Ridgemont High", lymphoma. Bobby Fischer, 64, American chess grandmaster, world champion (1972–1975), kidney failure. Suzanne Pleshette, 70, American actress (The Bob Newhart Show, The Birds), respiratory failure. Heath Ledger, 28, Academy Award-nominated Australian actor (Brokeback Mountain). Christian Brando, 49, American actor and convicted killer, son of Marlon Brando, pneumonia. [24] | The step-son of Metro subscriber Mary Jo Mack passed away in January. Patrick Brendan Mack, 22, of Warren, died Tuesday, Jan. 1, 2008. He was born March 4, 1985, in Hagatna, Guam. Mr. Mack was a first class petty officer in the U.S. Navy, serving aboard the USS Fort McHenry, which was on a seven-month cruise taking part in Africa Partnership Station. He graduated in 2002 from Center Line High School where he was well known for his participation in the ROTC, cross country and wrestling. He also will be remembered for wearing his famous Tigger suit on spirit days and to Detroit Tigers games. His family said he was always giving of himself and helped various causes such as the St. Leonard Parish haunted house to raise money for special education students. He loved all Detroit sports. His family said "Go Wings!" | 
| Mr. Mack is survived by his wife, Stefanie (nee Boltz) of Virginia Beach, Va.; mother, Linda Plank; father, Dan Mack; step-mother, Mary-Jo; father-in-law, Cliff (Deborah) Boltz; grandparents, Patrick Mack and Inez (David) Jones; brother, Daniel Mack; sister- and brother-in-law, Jennifer and Anthony Quintero; one niece; one nephew; and many aunts, uncles and cousins. He was predeceased by his grandmother, Nancy Mack; and grandfather, John Plank. A funeral service was be held at St. Anne Catholic Church, with the Rev. Alberto Bondy officiating. Burial was in St. Clement Cemetery, Center Line. |
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DATELINE PHOENIX, ARIZONA 7 More Years Of Summer Phoenix Phil, Arizona's official groundhog, was buried alive beneath a recently constructed K Mart parking lot. Therefore, he will not appear on Groundhog Day and forecast the weather by looking for his shadow. "That groundhog, he was a gonner," explained Governor Janet Napolitano. "There is no precedent for the groundhog not showing up," said Arizona State Senator John Dumbreak, "so we don't know what this means for sure." Dumbreak introduced legislation to designate Randy the Rattlesnake as the official February 2nd weather prognosticator for Arizona. The legislation was passed in emergency session.  | "Problem is, rattlesnakes don't have a shadow," noted the Governor, "but irrationality and misinformation has never stopped the state legislature from passing stupid laws." |
Baja Arizona neo-luddites were thrilled at the news that Phoenix's groundhog ended up beneath six inches of asphalt. "Maybe, in retribution, God will punish their progress-mad leaders and bury Phoenix under 3 feet of snow," commented Ned Ludlight, local luddite leader.
"More likely they'll end up with 12 more years of summer," quipped Joe Sam, our foreign correspondent and statutory agent.
Frightened Phoenix Chamber of Commerce officials frantically dug in the parking lot until well after dawn on the 2nd, hoping that the groundhog could be found. K Mart officials were not amused at having their parking lot torn up.
"Using a rattlesnake as our February 2nd weather critter doesn't send the right message out about Arizona" explained Sonja Sellem, with the Phoenix Chamber. The rattlesnake appeared at dawn, and bit a television news anchor on the ankle. Film at 10.
Memorial services for Phil were held in the parking lot. 
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ED NOTE: This is a new Metro feature. It gives our readers a chance to get something off their chest. I will start off this column, but I hope our readers will submit their rants for future issues.
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MICHIGAN DRIVERS
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Here are a few things that bug me about the incompetent drivers in the Metro Detroit area. I'm sure it is the same in other parts of the country too.
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First, the large white lines designating the cross walks at intersections. Why is it important for some Wahoos to want to pull up to the light and block the walk. The State Of Michigan only gives me 4 feet to walk in, but instead, I have to walk around the car with the Ethel Merman look-alike squinting at me while I have to negotiate the traffic speeding by in the other direction while crossing the street.
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Second. What happened to using a turn signal when you are coming up to your turn. I know most of you Polly Professionals have one hand holding your hot coffee while listening to Dr. Joy Brown on the radio. Your cell phone is cradled on your shoulder glued to your ear for that ever important call from freakin' Hillary Clinton. In your other hand is the lipstick that you are applying at the same time with your visor pulled down, all while steering your 2000 pound death trap on wheels with your knees, while pulling up in front of the white crosswalk line. C'mon.... it's not rocket science... Just pop off a shoe and flip the damn indicator lever with your pedicured toes, will ya?
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Also, why is it important for Jack Wads to want to continually edge up while sitting at a red light. It's almost like they just got finished seeing John Force in a drag race, and they are eagerly waiting for the light to turn so they can "punch it". These Maroons end up so far under the traffic light, that they are practically laying down in their seat to finally see it change to green.
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Oh yeah... and the bright light option on the automobile. GET RID OF IT! The only Corn Holes that use it are the jerk behind me, and all the Donkey Behinds coming in the opposing direction. I take my dog for walks at night, and you can't believe how many Bone Heads turn their bright lights on as they approach me on the street. No wonder deer freeze in the headlights. I can't tell you how many ditches I have fallen into because of the Bozo with the blinding light approaching me while I am walking 5 feet off the street.
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DATELINE: ENID, OKLAHOMA
Due to a power outage in Enid, only one paramedic, Mike Carlson, responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen Robinson, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi Robinson pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place, smack him on the ass again!' | 
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