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While I was at the gas station...


1. What's this?

2. What's this?


3. If JOHN is married to JUANITE, and MARCUS is married to SIMONE, and NANTEO is married to SUZI, then who is married to SUE?



4. At a party, the 3 hostesses were asked to pin their names on their shirts. It looks like they wrote numbers instead. 337, 317537, and 31573. What were their names? Answer


November Metro Staff
Thank you to the following for their contributions to this month's McCarty Metro

Bob Balch, Gerry Bufalini, Jerome Klotz, Austin McCarty Brad McCarty, Jerry McCarty, Kelly McCarty
Kristen McCarty, Larry McCarty, Margaret McCarty
Mike McCarty, Steve McCarty, Ron Patlewicz
Millard Pickney, Chuck Pottenger, Todd Rambler
Denise Sidor, Ben & Gail Toner, Bev Van Walleghm



November Trivia Question

What was the first city in the entire world that reached a population of 1,000,000 people?


Last Month's Answer

Here's an easy one. With Halloween right around the corner, what state has the most ghost towns in the US?

Congratulations To:





Even though the Presidential election is still 1 year away, if it WERE held today, who would you vote for?
ED NOTE: No fair voting undecided... you can't do that in the voting booth

Last month's question: What are your scariest movies of all-time?

Halloween (& Sequels) - 10
The Exorcist (& Sequels) - 9
Poltergeist (& Sequels) - 7
Silence Of The Lambs - 5
The Shining - 5

Nightmare On Elm Street - 4
Psycho - 4
Evil Dead (& Sequels) - 2
The Omen - 2
IT - 2

Motel Hell - 1
House Of Wax - 1
Manhunter - 1
Police Academy - 1
Mary Poppins - 1
Any LC Production - 1



Your Name:.


How come you chose to put Spanky, Alfalfa, and Darla on the title bar, but not ole "Mickey". I want a nice picture of me on your website or I'm gonna invite you out for some Italian food at Vitello's and that's the name of that tune!! -Robert Blake
ED NOTE: Sorry, but I only had 2 pictures of you, and I didn't know if you wanted me to use your mugshot from the front or  from your profile.

 Kelly, October was one of your best issues yet. Thanks for delightful and funny reading! -Booch
ED NOTE: Thanks. Practice makes perfect

 Ed. Thanks for mentioning about Southwest Airlines dress code. I remember Kelly getting kicked off of the plane on the way to the Bahamas because of his baggy plastic gym shorts. I believe the flight attendant said, "Hey Mon, you can't come on Da Plane with Big Jim and Da twins hanging all over Da seat" -Eric Swan
ED NOTE: The reason I got kicked off was because I told them that Big Jim & the twins were supposed to fly free.

Kelly. As I sit here slamming back another one, I was wondering what McCarty would win Dancing With The Stars ... if they had been stars? Well shoot, those dancing aren't stars, so what's the difference? -Left handed and Two Left Feet
ED NOTE: Without a doubt... ME! You can even ask my 4th grade Square Dancing partner from Parkman Elementary, Lynne Rohde. She is a faithful subscriber to the Metro, and can still doe-see-doe with the best of 'em.

Dear Editor, This is to notify you that I am planning legal action against The Metro for including that damn bubble game in the previous Metro. I played the game for hours only to have my hand go numb. The game never ends. Do you have the number for a good lawyer? -Only able to use the left hand
ED NOTE: I guess that really is going to put a cramp on your style, huh? 1-800-CALL-TONY

 Kelly. I want you to know that I filled up my gas tank this morning and filled it the slowest that I could. I don't know if your gas tips are truly accurate, but I'm following them anyway. Thanks so much for that. -Lynne
ED NOTE: I found out that is an old wives tale, told to me by my old wife. Also Lynne, if I am found dead in the near future, don't buy Margaret's accident theory.

Dear Editor. Thanks for the bonus 1992 edition of The Metro. To think, at one time I thought carbon paper was cutting edge technology! Gotta tell ya, this Internet thing is a flash in the pan. - Mike
ED NOTE: I understand that the Grand Rapids Press still uses "carbon paper technology". My goodness... I can't fathom just how hard you have to press when drawing that Popeye cartoon.

To The Editor - If you stand too close to a bon fire is it a weanee roast or chestnuts roasting by an open fire? -Smoldering
ED NOTE: Oh I get it... you want me to lower myself i
nto participating in some potty humor. One of my subscribers Millard P. says that I use too much, so I am stopping this right now. Suffice it to say that I bring to the party a 5 hour log, but I do always practice safe burning.

Submit an interesting or funny caption for this picture




Last Month's Captions

Chips or Chaps?
Have you met my better half?
Identical twins
Hey, Ponch, this is nice of you to pose with me but, next time, could you cut down on the onions
 Excuse me sir, but would you please mind taking your hand off of my CHiPS!
 Next on the Surreal Life...
 Meet our new Southern California Fadal distributor!
 Panch and Pancher
 Hey, Mr. McCarty, how do you get your mustache to grow in just a little line above your lip. It's cool!
Hey ... is that your hand on my ponch
Hair Club for Men. I'm just not the president, I'm a client
The cast of Brokeback Mountain 2

Can you recognize our secret celebrity?

Your Name:.


Last Month's Celebrity Was....


Congratulations to:


Of Course I Read The McCarty Metro!

If you had an on-line romance with someone, and when you met him or her in person, you found out they had a wooden leg, would feel the need to break it off?

Things Heard At A McCarty Thanksgiving Feast

"Can I get a little grease bread with my turkey?" 
"Stop that, Steve! I told you... no Asian market trading during dinner!" 
"Dad, can you finger-whip me a little more mashed potatoes?" 
Why are looking at your brother that way? Just carve the turkey or put the knife down!" 
"Mom! I just saw Uncle Larry sticking his hand into the turkey's 'special places'!" 
"I said, 'Pass the mother*&%#$! yams', mother*&%#$!" (Mike McCarty)
Oh, yeah Dennis?! We'll see if you still think this is a dysfunctional family with a drumstick shoved up your nose! 
"Yes, Jerry, we understand. You're a breast man. That's very funny, for the tenth time." 
"Mom! Uncle Kelly went to sleep under the kids' table and Eddy the dog is eating his throw-up!" 
Oh that's real nice... licking all the stuffing out of the celery. Now I have to re-fill them! 

Drawn By Jabo

Don't be surprised if somewhere, some day, when you least expect it, someone comes up to you and croaks...

You're In The McCarty Metro


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