Somebody had a little
too much spiked apple cider
at the Halloween Party
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!
Why can't you take a turkey to church? Because they use such FOWL language
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
NURSERY RHYMES & BEDTIME STORIES
Simple Simon met a pie man,
Going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you Dip Wad!"
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Yes - The Empire State Building can't jump at all
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
How can you make a turkey float? Well, you need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Drumsticks for everyone!
The Alternate Ending To "The Wizard Of Oz"
|THE THANKSGIVING FORECAST|
Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.
Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone. .
Football and the Blonde...
Football FINALLY makes sense... A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened . Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities in Royal Oak received the letter to God they decided to send it to Gov. Grandholm. She was so amused that she instructed her secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The governor thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Lansing, MI and those jerks deducted $95.00 in taxes.