Protecting Your Family
Know if there are sexual predators living in and around your area
|Metro Quick Puzzles
|Metro Trivia Challenge
1. What does this mean?
2. What does this mean?
|3. Four people can sit at a table in twenty-four different arrangements. How many arrangements are possible for seating eight people? Answer
4. Homonyms are words that sound alike, though they are spelled differently. (Example: to, two, too) One pair of homonyms has meanings that are precisely opposite, and need not be stretched. What are the two? Answer
5. How many S's are in the name of the longest river in the world? Answer
6. It was an exciting football game. It was also an unusual one. The score was seven to two. At the same time, not one man had managed to cross the goal line, but the game was played according to the rules. How is this possible? Answer
|September Trivia Question
What was the first ready-mix food to be sold to the public.
(HINT.. The year was 1889, and they still sell it today)
Roy Rogers was born on November 5, 1912, in Ohio. If the house he was born in were still standing today, what popular location would it be?
2nd Base at Cincinnati's River Front Stadium
(aka Cinergy Field)
Congratulations to Mary Jo Mack & Meg
|Letters To The Editor
What happened to the guy with the money-saving tips? I think his name was Ralph. Ralph ruled. -Reuben Mathers
ED NOTE: I miss Ralph too. I sent him out for some smokes about a year and a half ago, and he never came back. He still owes me a pack of butts, or 5 bucks. By the way... I love your sandwich!
Kel. Dynamite job on the Metro, again. The new features are great. Man, if we were delivering this on our paper route we'd get a hernia! Keep up the good work. -Mike
ED NOTE: Not to mention getting chaffed in the crotch from the banana seat.
HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! -Melting in MI
ED NOTE: Since so many of us are suffering through a summer heat, I am sending you a little something to help you cool off. Just click and enjoy.
| Dear Editor. Back at Parkman, versatile gym teacher Joe Komblevist (never could spell his name) taught square dancing. I was wondering if he had a degree in and also wondering if Kevin McCarty and Ryan McCarty will be teaching square dancing in their respective classes? -Dosey Dork in TN
ED NOTE: The answer is a resounding YES! Kevin has already worked on a "trick" play for his football team called the Doe See Doe, and Ryan has invited his father to play a little banjo for his PE class. The "trick" play for Ryan will be getting Mike to stop playing a little banjo for his PE class!
The pics of Mike by the cars in your August issue are priceless. -Steve O
ED NOTE: The amazing thing is that I only had to doctor 2 of the nine photos.
Hey Ed, me and a friend were having an argument about your military service. Were you a Captain in the Safety Patrol or a Lieutenant? Anyway, what is the highest rank of a elementary school Safety Boy? -Sgt Holka
ED NOTE: Wait a minute... You mean to tell me that you have a friend? In the line of duty of a safety patrol captain, YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!!! Why, I remember one time Lt. Donald Hack came up to me wanting to give my little brother a demerit. I asked Donald where he lived, and he said Whitcomb sir! I told him "There are only 2 things that come from Whitcomb... Snitchers and bitchers... Now which one are you, boy?" Needless to say, I ran a tight ship. Anyway, highest rank of a safety boy? You start with your white belt, then orange belt, and finally a black belt.
Dear Editor, I found your Web Site just recently. I think it is soooo neat! I'm reading the comments and stories. After seeing Goofus & Gallant, I told my wife, "Hey, we have the same sense of humor". Thanks! -Steve (from Ohio)
ED NOTE: Thanks Steve, but you know... There's only 2 things that come from Ohio...
Blood Mobile Visits The Metro
|Metro Quote o' The Month
Found On The Side Of The Road
"All cherries are good except for the bad ones."
Submit A Quote For Next Month's Metro
|Metro Caption Contest
|Metro Secret Celebrity Contest
|Come up with a unique caption for this picture.
Last Month's Picture & Captions
We thought you said go in there and tepee, not to pee. -Raelene Butkovich
Dana and Evan celebrate their dad's voice over efforts of the construction workers poop tube. -T.P. Foryabunghol
"Native children start very young, learning to build good t.p.'s" -Jonathan Woodson
Surprise- it's the cheapest birthday party ever! -Jonathan Woodson
The Valencia Chamber of Commerce proudly welcomes the owners of a new business, Ultimate Interior Home Designs Ltd. -GR Mac
The McCarty kids show their support for Ralph Montegomery. "We want more toilet paper articles". -Jo
Surprise! Lift up the toilet lid and see your Present! -Eric
No job is finished, til the paper work is done! -Steven McCarty
|Name this famous (or maybe not-so-famous) person?
Last Month's Secret Celebrity
Congratulations to Gwenda Perez
September Joke 'o The Month
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."
|Does Your Editor Watch Too Much Wrestling?
|ED NOTE: OK.. OK.. I admit it. I watch wrestling. In fact, Margaret thinks I watch too much wrestling. Personally, I don't think so, however, some of the evidence is a bit frightening.
| On my resume to Fraser Schools, I wrote "I'm the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be".
When I begin to shake a computer vendor's hand in public, I hesitate to look for the crowd's response.
| Instead of hugging my kids, I grab Mr. Socko and slap on the mandible claw.
My Bradric Productions business cards list my address as "parts unknown"
I clothesline people in the pop-bottle return area at Meijer for no particular reason.
When he's sleeping, I elbow smash Eddy (my dog) & turn him over for the 3 count.
Instead of reading a bedtime story to my kids, I prefer just to use a sleeper hold.
I got fired from my first job, then showed up the next day wearing a mask.
I bring foreign objects into bed with me. (Ain't that right, Margaret!)
| To help Austin achieve good grades in school, I threaten him with stunners, choke slams & tombstone pile drivers
When I sit down at the dinner table, I can't help think how easily I could break it with a moonsault from the countertop
I could settle the whole Israel / Hezbollah tensions with 3 little words.... STEEL CAGE MATCH!
|To The September 2006
McCarty Metro Staff
Walt Jankowski, Jerry McCarty, Kelly McCarty, Kristen McCarty, Larry McCarty, Margaret McCarty
Mike McCarty, Gwenda Perez, Chuck Pottenger, Beverly Rzepka, Denise Sidor, Larry Wendt
|Did You Know...
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
Somewhere In Cyber Space
It's Not Exactly A Hog!
"I hopped on my brand new Cow-asaki motorcycle and got myself subscribed to the McCarty Metro"
But it sure Mooooooves