|Well it’s May and that means Mother’s Day is coming and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be giving their mothers crappy cards and crappy presents. These kids today are spoiled and these McCarty Mothers care more about watching the Food Network than they do about disciplining their kids. Just thinking about those Lenient Ladies makes me hotter than my Mom’s Hot Tuna Pot Pie. These Moms could take a lesson or two on how to raise their kids.|
Nowadays, these Mamby-Pamby Mothers take their kids to “Mommy and Me” classes at Gymboree. “Oh I want to bond with my child by paying $25 an hour so my kid can play on my yoga mat.” When I was a kid, we didn’t need no fancy schmancy expensive classes. My mom bonded with me by letting me sit on the carpet sweeper while she cleaned the house. And if she wanted to do exercises after that, I sat in the playpen while she watched Jack Lalanne on TV. Sure I was in a plastic and steel aluminum death trap, but I didn’t care I loved it!! Because at the end of the show Jack would call out his big white dog, Happy.
And now these McCarty Mothers today have to drive SUVs with navigational systems, DVD Players, and state-of-the-art Air Bags. When I was a kid my Mom took me on the DSR bus in Detroit to Federal’s Department Store on Grand River. The only entertainment on that bus was the 10 winos that would ride the bus all day long and sleep in the seats. Those buses smelled like a combination of liquor, vomit, and transmission fluid. And when the bus stopped, empty liquor bottles would slide across the floor, but we didn’t care, we loved it. Because my Mom let me pull the wire to make the “Ding Ding” sound at the Grand River stop.
And when it comes to discipline, these mothers nowadays give their kids a “Time Out” and then explain to them why they were wrong. They call that “Tough Love??” When I was a kid and did something wrong the only “Time Out” I had was “Time to get Out of the house before I got my Mom’s shoe in my Keister!!” My mom didn’t worry about explaining anything to me, because I got to think about it while recovering from my spanking. We got spanked, and got soap in our mouths from my Mother, but we didn’t care we loved it because our breath smelled like Irish Spring.
So this Mother’s Day, don’t get your wife a card or flowers or perfume. Just get them a bus pass and a carpet sweeper. And, oh yeah, after you give it to her, watch your Keister!!
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