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Jerry's World
.Well, I just heard that both Mike McCarty and Kelly McCarty will be buying new cars in the next month. Those brothers of mine are getting so spoiled that I bet they will be getting some fancy schmancy automobile with all the latest options. Just thinking about those driving disasters makes me hotter than the radiator cap on Larry McCarty’s 1969 Plymouth Duster. Those Motoring McCartys are so out of touch they don’t even remember what it was like with their first car.
Kelly McCarty is going to buy one of those fancy Mini-Vans so he can fit himself, Margaret, and those 3 Yetis he calls “sons” into the car. When I was growing up, we didn’t need no mini-van to transport teenagers. Mike McCarty had a 1964 Chevrolet Corvair that he fit 10 Teenagers in and then took them to O’Shea Recreation Center to play hockey. There were arms, legs, and hockey sticks hanging out the windows, but it did the job. They would still make that car today if the floor boards didn’t rust out and the front gas tank wasn’t a ticking time bomb. It was like driving a rusted out Molotov Cocktail, but we didn’t care, We Loved it!!! Because we were happy with what we had! | 
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And those Paranoid Parkers will be buying all kinds of security devices. As if someone would actually want to steal their crappy car. They will have Car Alarms, LoJack, Kill Switches, and Keypad Code Entry. Danny McCarty had the best security system known to man on his 1968 Ford Galaxy 500. To get that car started, you needed to take the air cleaner cover off, put a screwdriver in the carburetor, press the gas pedal down 5 times, say a “Hail Mary” with your foot on the floor, and then turn the ignition. Sure, you had to make sure you always had a screwdriver around, but we didn’t care, we were happy with what we had. Plus, you could use the same screwdriver to open the trunk.
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 | I bet whatever car those gear head geeks buy will have every option known to man. They’ll have CD Players, Cruise Control, Navigation Systems, Video Screens, Satellite Radio, and I-Pod Connectors. Fiddle Fooey, when I was a kid we bought cars with no options on them at all. My first car was a 1973 Chevy Nova with AM Radio, Hand Operated Windows, and a Map in the Glove Box. Later I added an FM Converter so I could pick up chicks. If you wanted Cruise Control on that car, you had to wedge the Ice Scraper between the Front Seat and the Accelerator Pedal. Sure the sound system sounded like crap and the ice scraper would slip off sometimes, but we didn’t care, it had a 350 V-8 engine and ran on regular gas.
So you be sure and see Mike and Kelly’s new cars. And while they’re trying to figure out the navigation system, I’ll be driving around in my Nova with 11 guys, looking at a map, and trying to get a good station on the FM Converter. Oh yeah, do you have a screwdriver I could borrow? |
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