Dr. Fenner

Dr. Coots

Dr. Fenner MD, retired in the 1970's after an investigation of anesthesia methods. Fenner swore by the Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard method. Dr. Coots DDS, retired after his method of tooth extraction, which entailed a handkercheif and a distraction (and the fact that he only got the correct tooth 60% of the time), came under scrutiny with the modern patient. Both doctors are now in their 90's, and they have agreed (as part of a plea bargain) to come aboard the McCarty Metro and answer reader questions with their old-fashioned, no nonsense approach. Feel free to send your questions because...

The Doctor is In

Dear Dr. Fenner: I think I swallowed a Crazy Ike.  Should I be concerned? -Jerry McCarty

Now that takes me back. I remember our 34th president very well. What a man Eisenhower was. He led the country well. Did you know that while at West Point, Ike played left halfback on the football team. In one game, he seriously wrenched his knee while tackling the famous Jim Thorpe? What an interesting man. Eisenhower and I had something in common too. Our favorite dessert was prune whip. Bet you didn't know that!!! 

Well, enough about me and on to your problem. Take a Tricky Dick and 2 Slick Willies and call me in the morning.

 Dear. Dr. Coots: I only have one tooth and it takes me forever to eat an ear of corn.  Any advice? -Raelene

I'll be honest. There is no way you will ever be able to eat the corn right off the ear with only 1 tooth. My suggestion would be to take a knife and cut the corn off the cob. Puree it up in a blender and drink your corn through a straw. Then, take the straw and the corn cob and make a pipe. Get a button for a nose, and two eyes made out of coal. Viola!!! Frosty The Snowman! There must have been some magic in that old silk hat I found because when I placed it on his head: He began to dance around.

What a happy jolly sole... eh... ahhh... I'm sorry... I guess I'm getting just a little bit senile. 

Dr. Fenner's Medical Chart Boners


Dr. Coots Asks... Do You Know?

  • The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
  • The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
  • Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
  • She is numb from her toes down.
  • The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.
  • She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.
  • On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
  • The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
  • Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
  • The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  • The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
  • Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  • The patient has no past history of suicides.
  • Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
  • He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.
  • By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.
  • The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
  • The patient refused an autopsy.
  • The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.
Do You Know The Signs of gum disease:
  • Bleeding gums (even when you brush)
  • Red, swollen or tender gums.
  • Loose teeth
  • Persistent bad breath
  • Receding gums
  • Teeth or dentures fit together differently when biting.

If you have any of these symptoms, call your dentist as soon as possible!


Click on the PLAY button and help Dr. Coots remove some teeth.

Submit Your Questions: .......My Question Is For....  Dr. Fenner M.D. ....... Dr. Coots D.D.S.




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