The McCarty Metro - IRS

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The I.R.S.
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Before starting to poke fun at the I.R.S., I just want to share with you their website which has a lot of great information.

http://www.irs.gov/

All right.... Let the poking begin....

Thought for the day...

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice:

When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together
it spells

"THEIRS"?

Dear IRS:

Enclosed is my 2005 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).

This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the 'Presidential Election Fund', as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a '1.5 inch screw'. (See attached article - HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw an article about the Pentagon and 'screwdrivers'.

Sincerely,
I. Getscrewed Everyear

"I'm sorry Mr. McCarty, but the new tax law clearly states that you are the only person not allowed to take this deduction."

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time - weightlifters, strongmen, etc. - but no one could do it. One day a scrawny little man came into the bar wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, what?" The man replied, "I'm an IRS Agent."

HOW TO ANNOY THE IRS
(Without Getting In Trouble!)

Well, it's tax time again, boys and girls. So cough it up if you haven't already! But no one says you have to go gentle into that dark night. Here are some hints on how to annoy the IRS if you owe them money...
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1. Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put them down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take out any staples on the right side.
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2. Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even facing the right way. Put a few upside down and backwards. That way they have to remove all your staples, rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it (on the left side).
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3. Line the bottom of your envelope with Elmer's glue and let it dry before you put in you forms, so that the automated opener doesn't open it and the extractor has to open it by hand.
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4. If you're very unfortunate and have to pay taxes, use a two or three party check. On top of paying with a third party check, pay one of the dollars you owe in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter how small an amount, she has to take it to a special desk and fill out of few nasty forms.
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5. Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received has to be read and stamped regardless of what it is or what it's on.
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6. Write your letter on something misshapen and unconventional. Like on the back of a Kroger sack.
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7. When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if its just a single EZ form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differently than regular business size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they take priority over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with your mess.
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8. If you send two checks, they'll have to staple your unsightly envelope to your half destroyed form.
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9. Always put extra paper clips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners or the like have to be removed and put away.
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10. Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to be verified and then date stamped.
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These are just a few of the fun and exciting things you can do with the IRS. These methods are *only* recommended when you owe money.