The McCarty Metro
August 2004 Edition

  

Final Thought


Our Rules!

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OUR RULES!

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules, ladies!
  • Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down, do you?
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  • Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Learn to live with it.
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  • Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
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  • Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one -- subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Please, just come right out and say it!
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  • We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays & anniversaries on a calendar and (this is very important), remind us frequently beforehand.
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  • Most guys own less than three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty (or more), would look good with your dress?
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  • "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
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  • Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
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  • A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
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  • Anything we said 6 months ago is not admissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
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  • If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
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  • If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't even ask us. We refuse to answer that question.
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  • If something we said could be interpreted more than one way, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, please... automatically assume we meant 
    the other one. Contrary to popular belief, we do not seek out or enjoy arguments and hostility.
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  • You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done... not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
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  • Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
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  • Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
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  • ALL men only know the primary colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no freaking clue what mauve is.
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  • If it itches, it will be scratched.
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  • If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, it's just not worth risking an argument over.
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  • If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
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  • When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you want wear is fine with us. Really.
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  • Peanuts in the shell are as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
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  • and Yes! I am in shape. (round is a shape).

ED NOTE: Thank you for reading the McCarty Metro. Yes, I know I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. But I really don't mind. It's kinda like camping.

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Copyright 2004