The McCarty Metro

Still Under The Basement Steps 



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Jerry's World
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Well it’s baseball season and that means those little pampered McCarty’s will be heading down to Comerica Park to sit in their luxury seats and eat Hors’ D Oeuvres. Those little league losers don’t even care who wins the game as long as they are waited on hand and foot. Just thinking about those little Baseball Brats makes me madder than Jimmy Piersall on a backstop. When I was a kid we went to baseball games the old fashioned way.

Nowadays these McCarty Morons have to have their own Reserved Parking Spot or they won’t even go to the game. They have to have some big colored coded sign with “Section H1” on it, so they don’t forget where they parked. When I was a kid, we went to the old Tiger Stadium, where there were no prima donna parking spots. We parked on the street, on lawns, and in alleys and we didn’t need to have some stinkin’ ticket with a number to tell us where we parked. We remembered where we parked based on the description of the house, alley, or crack whore that was by our car, and if my nephew Andy was with us, we knew the car was parked next to his Dad’s vomit covered jacket. We parked our cars the old fashioned way, and we loved it. Because it was free!

And when those spoiled foul ball fans want something to eat, they act like they are in a restaurant. “Ooohh, I will have the Chicken Caesar sandwich with Bleu Cheese and some French Fries and a glass of Merlot.” Fiddle Foey!!, when I was a kid, if you were hungry you ate a soggy hot dog that was carried around by the stadium vendors and if you wanted something on it, you got mustard and whatever else was on the hot dog vendor’s hand when he touched your food. Sure the food tasted terrible and we had nothing to wash it down, but we didn’t care we loved it!! Cause there wasn’t any Bleu Cheese on it!!

And these stadiums nowadays have to offer all kinds of crappy gimmicks to get those McCarty baseball bellyachers to sit through a game. They have bobble heads, refrigerator magnets, and action figures. They might as well call it “Plastic Piece of Crap Day”. When I was a kid we had Free Ball Day and Free Bat Day and that was enough to keep us happy. One time on free ball day some big kid stole my ball and my Dad took a swing at him and nearly turned it into “Punch a Hole in Briggs Stadium Day”. Wherever that is?

So if you decide to go to one of those Detroit Tiger baseball games, take a tip from Uncle Jer and park in an alley near Trumbull and Martin Luther King Boulevard for free and take the bus to Comerica Park. Just ask one of the homeless guys to watch the car. And if he has a baseball from 1970, take a swing at him for my Dad.

Go Tigers!!

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