The McCarty Metro

Still Under The Basement Steps 

With the Dan McCarty Golf Classic just 2 months away, thoughts of DJ runs through all of our minds. His quick wit, combined with a unique sense of humor made for some interesting McCarty Metro articles in the past. We will start out with some DJ classics jokes.

DJ's Jokes

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts!"

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed; is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Why, because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

What do you call a fish with no eyes? ... A fsh

I dusted off an old "typed" McCarty Metro with an article from DJ. A blast from the past:

The Backyard Mechanic

Dear B.M. My 1977 Ford Wagon has developed a ticking noise. My neighbor tells me that it's an exhaust leak. What do you think? -- In A Pinch

Dear Penny Pincher: 1977!!! You better park that junker and run like the Flash on his way to the john after finishing a Burrito Supreme, because that ticking is a time bomb that will probably go off any minute and blow your ball joints from here to Woodward Ave.

Dear Barnyard Mc: What is the longest stretch someone has driven without touching the steering wheel with their hands? -- Bud Lynch

Dear Lynch Mob: First places goes to Robert McCarty. While coming home from Grandma's house, Dad drove a stretch on I-94 from Van Dyke to Livernois (over 5 miles) and was reaching in the back seat to break up a fight among us, over who got to hold the raisin bread in their lap, because we were still wired from a double dose of Tang and Rawhide during our visit. Second place goes to Larry McCarty. He drove his (t)rusty Vega nearly 4 miles down 8 Mile Road in high speed pursuit alongside a getaway car that had stolen a pair of shoes as he battled the passenger through their open windows in hand to hand combat before giving up the chase in favor of stopping at a Dairy Queen for a Peanut Buster Parfait. Finally, 3rd place goes to Mike McCarty. He drove home the 3 miles from O'Shea with 8 guys packed into a Rambler so tight that he could only work the accelerator. Ken Chalk worked the brake, David Marshall steered, Mike Devine looked out the windshield and Patrick Devine worked the rear. No wonder those guys remained so close over the years and it's really amazing that only one turned queer.

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