Because Bob Balch always submits the tear jerking, sentimental page each issue, I am taking my crack at making you shed a tear or two.

A TRUE FRIEND

When you are sad ... I will get  you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue ... I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.

When you smile ... I'll know you finally got some.

When you are scared ... I will rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried ... I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.

When you are confused ... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick ... Stay the hell away from me until you're well again, I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall ... I will point and laugh at you.

This is my oath ... I pledge till the end. Why, you may ask? ......

Because you're my friend.

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