La Nina Diary

Note... please use your own adjective every time you see #&!!#%


December 9 - We awoke to a big, beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered by a beautiful mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both the driveways and the sidewalk. Later, a snow plow came through and covered our sidewalk with compacted snow from the street, so I shoveled it again.

December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we will get some more before the lovely winter is through.

December 14 - It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to 20 below zero. I shoveled the driveway and sidewalks again, and then the snow plow came by and did it's trick again.

December 15 - Today I sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer so I can drive in the snow. I also bought snow tires for my wife's car.

December 18 - Fell on my ass on the ice on the driveway. All that was hurt were my feelings.

December 21 - Had another 14 inches of that white #&!!#% last night. More shoveling in store for me today. The #&!!#% snow plow came by twice.

December 22 - We are assured of a white Christmas because 13 more inches of that #&!!#% fell today and with this freezing #&!!#% weather, it won't melt until August. I got all dressed up to go outside and shovel (boots, snow suit, jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves, etc.) and then got the urge to pee.

December 23 - I was going to go ice fishing today, but the #&!!#% worms froze and I didn't want the fish to break their #&!!#% teeth on my #&!!#% bait.

December 24 - If I ever catch the son of a #&!!#% that drives that #&!!#% plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls!!! I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then comes down the street at 100 miles per hour throwing that #&!!#% all over what used to be my lawn!

December 25 - MERRY CHRISTMAS! They predict 20 more #&!!#% inches of this white #&!!#%. I wonder if they know just how many shovels full of snow 20 inches is??? Them #&!!#%s!!! #&!!#%Santa, he doesn't have to bust his balls shoveling that #&!!#%. The snow plow driver came by and asked for a donation. I wrapped him upside his #&!!#% head with my #&!!#% shovel!!!

December 26 - Guess who the heck got 28 more inches last night? I must be going snow blind or getting cabin fever because my wife is starting to look real good to me!

December 27 - #&!!#% toilet froze!!! If you go outside, don't eat the brown snow!

December 29 - Today I set fire to my house. Now I'd like to see that white #&!!#% cling to my #&!!#% roof!!!

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