Well, it’s springtime and you can bet those McCarty Grandbrats will be letting their kids watch all of these crappy TV shows on their 55 inch televisions. Just thinking of those Video Varmits make me more wacky than a Dick Dastardly Racer. We had way better TV Shows when I was a kid.

These little Bi-Lingual Baffoons love to watch Dora the Explorer and her Mexican Monkey “Boots”. The parents will tell you how great it is that their kids are learning Spanish. I have two words for that. “El Stinko!” Great, your kids are now qualified to be Greeters at a Taco Bell! When I was a kid, the only monkeys we watched were Lancelot Link: Secret Agent. And those monkeys spoke “American!” Sure, the monkeys were dressed in Trench Coats and every show ended with the Monkeys doing some weird teethy Monkey smile, but we didn’t care, we loved it!!

And these Animal Loving Losers will park their keesters in their sofas and watch Adventure Time about some magical cartoon dog named Jake that can change shapes. When I was a kid, we had the best dog show ever. Run Joe Run about a real German Shepherd who was wrongly accused of attacking his owner and had to travel the country alone. Sure it was the same plot as the Fugitive, Kung Fu, the Incredible Hulk, and 10 other 70’s TV Shows, but we didn’t care, we loved it.

And these Pre-school Prima Donnas love to watch WallyKazam about a six year old troll. Fiddle Foey! When we were kids we had a 6 Year Old Troll too. He was called Mason Reese and he did commercials for Underwood Deviled Ham. He was a lisping, ugly red haired kid who looked like the Burger Meister from Rankin & Bass. We didn’t even know what Deviled Ham was, but we didn’t care, we loved it.

So you let your kids watch TV and eat Pringles, as for me I’m going on a Road Trip! I’m gonna find me a dog, a monkey, and Mason Reese and we are going to drive around the country trying to find a place that sells Deviled Ham.