The McCarty Metro - Rod & Mario

Will our world enjoy a peaceful 2013? Will the Detroit Tigers win the World Series next year? Will Tigers broadcasters Mario Impemba and Rod Allen learn English as we know it (without curious grammar, fractured cliches and arcane baseball lingo)? This much we do know: the answer to the latter query. But there's more to life than Justin Verlander's cheese. We can only guess at Rod and Mario's 2013 predictions, so let's get started...

By Mike McCarty

Middle East leaders will make the necessary adjustments they need to make, and we will see peace for the most part every single day.

Peace, indeed! And Egyptian President Morsi will be Player of the Month for the month of May.

The Fox Sports Girls will again go to the All-Star Game for the second consecutive year in a row.

In addition to being a nice offensive piece, Torii Hunter will climb the ladder and elevate in right field to take away home runs.

Elevate, indeed! The U.S. economy's growth will be off the charts, led by sales of Mario and Rod bobblehead dolls.

This much is for sure: A UFO may land in Detroit in the month of September. Aliens will have traveled a boatload of light years to ask Jim Leyland for tips on how to save their dying planet.

Klaatu barada niktu, indeed! The space aliens also will note they have been monitoring Tigers broadcasts, and they will pepper Rod Allen with questions: What is a piece of cheese? Why do you hit a seed instead of letting it grow? What is a secondary lead? Is Miguel Cabrera a god? How come ...

In the month of July, Frankenmuth will lift its ban and allow Mike McCarty to shop in its stores and eat chicken.

Miguel Cabrera's contact-to-damage ratio will be off the charts. Miggy is a beast. He is the greatest seed-hitting, lift-and-separate specimen we will ever see in our lifetime. Perhaps the greatest human to ever grace our planet -- along with Jim Leyland and the fine people in our Call Sam Studios.

By September 2013, they will be talking like Rod and Mario for the most part, will the viewers of Detroit Tigers TV games. Indeed!

And... I almost forgot. The Tigers will win the World Series. No question. That is that.