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JERRY'S
WRLD

Well now I hear that Steve McCarty and his Amigos have opened a men’s hair salon called Playmakers. I can see all those Man-Scaped Misfits now getting their haircuts, manicures, waxings, massages, and even pedicures. Just thinking of those Stylish Stinkers makes me hotter than a cheap blow-dryer. The best haircuts we ever got growing up were from my Mom in our own kitchen. 
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Nowadays, these Haircut Hooligans will be reclining in comfortable leather barber chairs at Playmakers, where they’ll wear some black silk smock while they get there haircut and neck massage. Those Follicle Challenged Fools wouldn’t have lasted 5 minutes with my Mom. She’d make you sit on a phone book on a kitchen chair with an old bed sheet wrapped around your neck. Then she’d bring out the rusted haircut instruments in a container she made by cutting the top off an empty Roman Cleanser Plastic Jug and then she’d go to work. The only massage we got was a deep tissue slap in side of the head if we moved while my Mom was trying to cut our hair. Sure our ears were nicked we’d be sitting there bleeding with a pee-stained bed sheet around our necks, but we didn’t care, we loved it.

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And those Hair Gel Gigolos will be putting all kind of product in their hair. After my Mom finished cutting your hair you got a choice of two things. You got ”Butch Wax” or you got a swift kick in the keester. That “Butch Wax” had the consistency of Airplane Glue and was applied with a spiked brush that would dig into your scalp. And when my Mom ran that brush through your hair it felt like carpenter’s nails being dragged across your skull. Sure we’d be bleeding from the scalp after a haircut, but we didn’t care because we were happy with what we had!
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And I can see those Toe Nail Tough Guys getting their pedicures. We wouldn’t dare ask my Mom to look at our feet, or she would try to fix them. If you had a hang nail, she’d end up prying up your toe-nail and wedging in a cotton ball with Mercurochrome on it. We’d end up screaming in agony while she tried to get Coyle Park Mud from under our toe nails. But we didn’t care, we loved it!

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So you go to Playmakers in Rochester, Michigan and get your Cappuccino and get pampered like a little baby. But I’m opening up “Mom-Makers” right in my kitchen. And you are all welcome to come over and sit on a phone book. There will be a pee-stained bed sheet with dried blood, mercurochrome, and butch wax waiting for you. And don’t even think about moving!!

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