Well it’s Thanksgiving and that means those little McCarty Grandbrats will be getting ready for their Fancy Schmancy Thanksgiving Day Dinner. Oh you can bet they’ll be sitting down to six course meals and eating all kinds of recipes that they got off of the Food Network! Just thinking about those Pampered Pilgrims makes me hotter than Emeril’s “Louisiana BAM” Sauce.
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Those dining derelicts will be sitting in their plush formal dining rooms with some big flowered centerpiece in the middle of the table. At our house growing up, my Mom would put the leaf in the table so we could all sit around it and pull out every possible thing to sit on. I had to sit an old high chair with the tray taken off. Then I sat on a telephone table and then a step ladder, and then finally I graduated to the piano bench. And the only centerpiece we had was a Lazy Susan with a bunch of olives, gerkins, and celery. Sure our table looked like a garage sale at a pickle factory, but we didn’t care we were thankful for what we had.

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And I can picture those gourmet gobblers now trying to recreate some Martha Stewart  recipe on their Thanksgiving Day Turkey. Our Turkey was prepared the same every year. First, my Dad would stick his hand inside the turkey and pull out some gross bag of discarded Turkey parts. There would be gizzards, liver, turkey neck, and other weird things that would make Hannibal Lector gag. Then my Dad would stuff a bunch of stale white bread inside of it and my Mom would sew it up, pour some Ginger Ale over it, put some aluminum foil on it, and throw it in the oven. Sure after about 6 hours we’d get fed a half frozen, ginger ale smelling turkey, but we didn’t care we loved it, because we were happy with what we had.
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And you can bet those sappy sweet-tooths will be having all kinds of desserts. They’ll have Peach Pie, Mincemeat Pie, Apple Pie, Blueberry Pie, Lemon Meringue Pie, and Pecan Pie. Fiddle Foey!! The only desert we had after Thanksgiving Dinner was a 69 cent Pumpkin Pie from the A&P and a can of Reddi-Whip. My Mom had to cut that pie into 10 pieces which meant everybody got a slice about as thick as a clothespin. We didn’t care we would cover it with Reddi-Whip and then take a shot of whipped cream right in our mouth. Sure we were pepped up on Sugar and Nitrous Oxide, but we didn’t care, we loved it!

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So you go to your fancy schmancy Thanksgiving Day Dinner with a Herbes De Provence Turkey with Yam Risotto. As for me, I’ll be sitting on a Telephone Book eating a frozen Turkey and sucking on a can of Reddi-Whip. Happy Thanksgiving!!