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Christmas shopping advice: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
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- DATELINE: METRO OFFICES
The McCarty Metro has just released the annual Christmas name draw list. The drawing was held at the bachelorette pad of Mom McCarty under the supervision of Mom, the Metro Editor, and the Metro First Lady. The included in the draw were the immediate family and their spouses, along with the married children and their spouses. This year's spending limit is $20. Happy shopping!!!
| The Guys | The Gals | Mike drew DP
DP drew Ryan
Rick drew Larry
Larry drew Kelly
Kelly drew Jerry
Jerry drew Mike
Steve drew Rick | Andy drew Scott
Ryan drew Robbie
Scott drew Andy
Robby drew Steve |
| Karen drew Erin
Carla drew Margaret
Margaret drew Carla
Kathlene drew Missy
Kristen drew Karen | Ann drew Sara
Missy drew Ann
Erin drew Kathlene
Sara drew Kristen |
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DATELINE: VALENCIA, CA
The West Coast McCartys have gotten their first dog, a Pembroke Welsh Corgi puppy named "Diogi." He enjoys Jerry's guitar playing, carrots, and chewing everyone's shoes.
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Jean answers your pregnancy questions.
Next month... Mercurochrome vs. Peroxide
Q. Grandma Jean, Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough. | 
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Q. Grandma, I'm 2 months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after it finishes college.
Q. Dear Grandma Jean, What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. Jean, What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.
Q. GJ, The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Ahh... That's easy... 'Cause you're fatter than they are. |
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| McCarty Metro
 A world map showing what dangerous things are happening right now in every country in the entire world. It is updated every few minutes. You can move the map around, zero in on any one area & actually up-load the story of what is going on. You can see the things that are happening right here in the US, in your own state or even your city. www.globalincidentmap.com/home.php Click on any icon on the map for text update information. It's not just about Terrorism - it's about everything happening every minute some place in the world of terrorism threats, explosions, airline incidents, etc. |
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| . | . | DATELINE: MY FIELD TRIP
by cub reporter Megan
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I went on a fieldtrip with my class to Wolcott Mill. It was fun. It was cold. We learned how to make old fashioned flour. We went into two separate mills. They are really, really old. Almost as old as the metro. Not quite as old as dirt, which is usually what gets published in this paper. We got to take a handful of corn and dump it down the corn chute. My dad says he dumps corn down the corn chute every Sunday during the summer when sweet corn is in season. Two other students got to dump the whole bag down. It was awesome. Wolcott Mill is a cool place to go if you have never been there.
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DATELINE: LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND
WIN 2 TICKETS, ALL EXPENSES INCLUDING AIR FARE TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING, CHINA
To participate is very easy, just view the attached photo, correctly answer the following questions and send your answers to: International Olympic Committee, Private Bag, Lausanne, Switzerland.
1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?
2. Which ones are male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher? | Good Luck, But I Guess
You're Not Going Either |
American Gangster (R, 157 min.) 2:00pm | 5:20pm | 7:10pm | 8:45pm
The Coyle Park gang "The Smokers" are in the process of electing their new lead gangster. Tension rises inside the stagecoach, but onlookers sitting on the corrals cheer when first they see neighborhood tramp Pat Brown enter the coach, then an hour later they finally see the plume of white smoke coming from the coach. The new American Gangster is none other than Big Tom Brown. The smokers rejoice in the selection as Mrs. Brown rings her cowbell, and the rest of the smokers pants John Stehli as an offer of sacrifice to their new leader.
August Rush (PG, 113 min.) 2:10pm | 4:45pm | 7:20pm | 10:00pm
Tensions run high at the Swank Shop as parents fight and maneuver their way through the process of sorting through a small selection of straight and flared-bottom slacks for their kids in preparation of school restarting after Labor Day. Amid all the confusion are the McCarty boys one-by-one being poked and checked by Mom in making sure that they have enough room to grow into for the next 2 years.
Bee Movie (PG, 84 min.) 1:30pm | 2:50pm | 4:05pm | 5:10pm | 7:30pm | 9:50pm
LC Productions goes in-depth in this documentary about the Parkman School spelling bee. Bright young faces are nervously awaiting their next word, however Director Larry McCarty doesn't disappoint his fans who like long drawn-out movies as he focuses the entire 84 minutes on just one student and only one word. Wendy Fournier (wakka wakka) is the student who goes through 60 minutes of asking for pronunciations, definitions, word origins, other pronunciations, other definitions, other..... well you get the idea. A must see for all LC fans.
.. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (G, 109 min.) 1:25pm | 3:45pm | 6:00pm | 8:15pm
Ever wonder who lived in the haunted house behind Mrs. Morrison on the corner of Coyle and Westfield. Mike McCarty and Patrick Devine want to find out. Unfortunately, they find a middle aged man by the name of Mr. Magorium. He invites to two young lads in, and treats them to an entire day of fun in his make-shift Wonder Emporium. They drink a beer, and play for hours on rides like the "The Dark Machine", "Guess Who's Touching You?", "Truth or Dare", and the famous "Mr. Magorium's Pants Drying Machine" (the two Mike's watched their pants dry in their skivvies for an hour). The day ended when Mr. Magorium got to ride in a police car, and Mike & Patrick were constantly hugged and scolded by their parents. Both turned out fine. | 
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This Christmas (PG-13, 117 min.) 1:40pm | 3:40pm | 5:40pm | 7:40pm | 9:40pm | 10:25pm
Several McCarty nephews and nieces decide to forego the typical Christmas in Michigan, and head out to California for a West Coast Yuletide with Uncle Jerry. Most people in LA go to a Snooty Country Club Christmas Party and drip Cocktail Sauce on their Christmas Tie, but Jerry has different plans. He will be sitting in a basement somewhere and make some nice Liverwurst Sandwiches and fill that Lazy Susan with radishes, olives, pickles, and celery. And then he's gonna turn on the record player and listen to, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the….of the …..of the…. Fiddle Fooey!! Uncle Jerry isn't going to spend all kinds of money on some fancy schmancy electronic decorations. He's sticking with his old decorations with his make-shift toys. The sit around his tree and play Rock’Em Sock’Em Shepherds or Don’t Break the Ice Under Baby Jesus. And on Christmas night, Jer makes himself a high ball and cooks some Kielbasa and Beans on a hot plate and then goes into the bathroom and plays his own special version of “Silent but Deadly Night”. |
CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS ED NOTE: I encourage all my readers to send in your celebrity sightings to the McCarty Metro. Each month, we will post them, and the best ones will be nominated for an M&M award in February.
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Check Out This Hilarious Video And Audio Clips | Mike's Community Service Mike McCarty has joined others in Grand Rapids this holiday season to build homes for the less fortunate Click Here For Video | Christmas Dinner How much do you
actually need to spend
on Christmas main course? Click Here For Video | Twas The Night... Larry The Cable Guy
gives his rendition
of this famous story Click Here For Video |
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| THE McCARTY METRO
RECALLS |
| Anyone buying presents for children this year - Did anyone see Aqua Dots on the news last night? They said 2 kids are in comas because they put the dots in their mouth and they have GSB in them...my daughter really wanted these for x mas. Here is another list of recalls. If anything looks like something you already bought, go to the company's website for for more details of the recall. | |
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      | Lillian Ellison, 84, American professional wrestler ("The Fabulous Moolah"). George Osmond, 90, American patriarch of the Osmond singing family. Norman Mailer, 84, American Pulitzer Prize–winning author (The Naked and the Dead, The Executioner's Song), renal failure. Dick Wilson, 91, British-born American actor ("Mr. Whipple"), natural causes. Roger Smith, 82, American chairman and CEO of General Motors (1981–1990). Robert "Evel" Knievel, 69, American stunt performer. | Cassandra Janette Kiepke was known as “Sandy” to her friends and family. She was born in Ravenna, Ohio. Sandy passed away suddenly after a tragic car accident on November 4, 2007. She also lost her father Galen Kiepke a week later from injuries sustained in the same crash. Sandy was a cherished sister to Lynn Dybalski and her husband Aloysius, and Mary Grant and her husband Douglas. A loving aunt to AJ Dybalski, Mike Dybalski, Douglas Grant, Stuart Grant, and, Ian Grant. Her mother, Geraldine passed away this year. Sandy was a graduate of Utica High School in 1967. She graduated from Oakland University and completed her master degree at Wayne State University. | 
| ED NOTE: For the past seven years, Sandy has worked at Fraser High School as a math teacher. I got to know her through computer issues over the years. She was a lady with a great spirit about her. Prior to coming to Fraser, she was taught at Regina High School for over 20 years. Her passion was traveling with family and friends. Sandy was also an active member of St. Michael Catholic Community Church in Sterling Heights. |
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DATELINE: APPLE COMPUTERS
Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The IBoob will cost between $499 and $599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them. Thanks to Apple, everyone is now happy | 
Have A Good Day
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Cribs Sold By Bassett baby Recalled Due to Entrapment and Strangulation Hazard: Sold Exclusively at Babies R Us
