METRO DATELINE NEWS DELIVERED RIGHT TO YOUR COMPUTER

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  • DATELINE: METRO OFFICES
    The annual Christmas name draw / Gift Exchange was held at Mom's house on October 15th. Making their presence at the drawing just to keep things on the up-and-up were Mom, Mike, Karen, Jill, Kelly, Margaret & Austin. Names were kept in a mayonnaise jar (with an expiration date of 2002) in the refrigerator, until Mike started making sammiches. The limit for gifts this year is $1000. ABSOLUTELY NO GOING OVER THE LIMIT!!!

2006 Christmas Name Draw Results

Steve drew Andy
Kristen drew Karen
Jerry drew Kelly
Kathlene drew Kristen
Kelly drew Rick
Margaret drew Carla
Larry drew Jerry
Carla drew Missy
Rick drew Mike
DP drew Ryan
Mike drew Larry
Karen drew Kathlene
Andy drew Scott
Ann drew Erin
Ryan drew DP
Missy drew Margaret
Scott drew Steve
Erin drew Ann
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  • DATELINE: GRAND TRAVERSE RESORT & SPA
    In a related story reported first in the Rzepka Ga-Rzette, Margaret McCarty, Marianne Rzepka, and Nancy Chapa were on hand and drew names for the annual Rzepka Christmas Name Draw. The event was held at the plush Grand Traverse Resort & Spa in Traverse City, Michigan in between massages, sea weed wraps, and facials. All results are final.
Rzepka Name Draw Results
Chuck drew Lee
Jane drew Marianne
Marianne drew Kelly
Chris drew Chuck
Beverly drew Margaret
Margaret drew Jane
Kelly drew Nancy
Bill drew Beverly
Nancy drew Chris
Lee drew Bill
  • DATELINE: WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT
    John Russo and Ann Marie Misuraca have experienced love in their parents, their families and friends, and now each other. The two exchanged wedding vows on October 28th. In celebration of their marriage, a reception was held at Andiamo's Banquet Center for the new Mr. & Mrs. Russo. ED NOTE: May you have many happy years together. Also, for more photos taken by Bob Balch, visit http://www.bobandcarl.com/russo/index.html
John & Ann Marie Russo share their first danceBob & Carl, along with Best Man Tony, play a song
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Ann Marie tosses the bouquet
My money is on the girl in blue
John diplomatically tells the Metro Editor and his wife
that it was NOT a Halloween costume party
  • DATELINE: BACK ROOM AT THE WEDDING RECEPTION
    In a back room meeting at the wedding reception, Mike Wiacek huddled with some other wedding guests to present his plan on moving the 22nd annual Gull Lake Open to a new venue. Armed with a PowerPoint presentation, charts, graphs, weather analysis, and a big payola from Garland Country Club, Mike presented his plans to reigning champ, Frank Meriam, groom John Russo, Bob Balch, and myself. The presentation was strictly to garner support for the move, but any decision will have to have a majority decision by the contestants.

  • DATELINE: BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT
    Todd "Rambo" Rammler, lead guitar player for Brad Savage & The Cockroaches, along with his lovely wife Erica are proud to announce the birth of their daughter Rachel Elizabeth on September 29th. Rachel is the couple's second child. She weighed in at 6 lbs. 14 oz. Todd & Erica are very excited and thankful for the blessed arrival of daddy's little girl. Congratulations to the Rammlers!

Baby RachelProud Big Brother Ready To Help 

  • EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW
    McCarty Metro editor, Kelly McCarty, and Bradric Productions CEO Jerry McCarty, have teamed up and put together a trial edition of the all new McCarty Metro Magazine. Kelly says the magazine will feature truth as you have never heard it before. Jerry chimed in that it will feature McCarty family news, along with the hard-hitting topics out of Hollywood, California, but nothing from Iraq. Pictured below is the inaugural cover.

  • FEMALE HORMONES FOUND IN BEER
    In October, US scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed a 6 boombas of their favorite brew. It was then observed that all of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
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  • DATELINE: DETROIT, MICHIGAN
    Seven-year-old Tyrone Smith was at the center of a Detroit courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Detroit Lions, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
  • DATELINE: FALL BREAK
    Here are some pictures of Amanda going skydiving over fall break. She didn't tell mom or dad she was doing it until after she had done it. ED NOTE: Sounds pretty sneaky to me!

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Amanda (above) landed safely,
however..... 
I hope her instructor (right),
who got blown a little off course,
learned something from the late
"Crocodile Hunter", or at least
has a good life insurance policy!

CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS

ED NOTE: I encourage you to send in your celebrity sightings to the McCarty Metro. Each month, we will post them, and the best ones will be nominated for an M&M award.
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Jerry and Chubby Checker come off
the dance floor after a twist off
Margaret hooks up with legendary radio
personality Dick Purtan... aka... SUPERMAN

PAST TO PRESENT
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School Statistics
General Information
Total Students: 454
Full Time Teachers: 13
Student/Teacher Ratio: 35 Students : 1 Teacher
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Race Distribution
% Asian: 0%
% Black: 99%
% Hispanic: 0%
% Native American: 0%
% White/Other: 1%
Number of Students Per Grade
Pre-K
Kindergarten
1st Grade
2nd Grade
3rd Grade
4th Grade
5th Grade
6th Grade
7th Grade
8th Grade
 32 
 58 
 73 
 68 
 72 
 84 
 67 
 0 
 0 
 0 

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HOW TIMES HAVE CHANGED!
Public school teachers rate
the top disciplinary problems.

1956

Talking out of turn
Chewing gum
Making Noise
Running in the halls
Cutting in line
Dresscode violations
Littering

2006

Drug abuse
Alcohol abuse
Pregnancy
Suicide
Rape
Robbery
Assault

AN EMERGENCY RESCUE
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They were unable to decide who would let go, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids and for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in  return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

  • DATELINE: HALLOWEEN REVENGE?
    There have be literally hundreds of reports of family pets attacking their owners while they slept the night of Halloween. Most of the owners received extensive injuries as the maniac pets kept attacking with a vengeance. The owners that could speak after the incidents are surprised and shocked at "Man's Best Friend". It seems the only similarity between the events is that all the owners walked their dogs in front of the other dogs in the neighborhood on Halloween night. Here are some photos...



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Check Out This Hilarious Video And Audio Clips

Impossible Pool Shot

Man knocks in every ball on 4 tables with only one shot

Click For Video

Treadmill Routine

Got nuttin' better to do at the gym? Why not try this workout.

Click For Video

Utility Thief

Why was my water bill so high this month. The camera doesn't lie.

Click For Video

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THE McCARTY METRO

PROTECTING OUR READERS

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  • Drug Recall - Important
    All drugs containing PHENYLPROPANOLAMINE are being recalled. You may want to try calling the 800 number listed on most drug boxes and inquire about a refund Please read this carefully. STOP TAKING anything containing this ingredient. It has been linked to increased hemorrhagic stroke (bleeding in brain) among women ages 18-49 in the three days after starting use of medication. Problems were not found in men, but the FDA recommended that everyone (even children) seek alternative medicine. The following medications contain Phenylpropanolamine:

Acutrim Diet Gum Appetite Suppressant
Acutrim Plus Dietary Supplements
Acutrim Maximum Strength Appetite Control
Alka-Seltzer Plus Children's Cold Medicine Effervescent
Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold medicine (cherry or orange)
Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine Original
Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold & Cough Medicine Effervescent
Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold & Flu Medicine
Alka- Seltzer Plus Cold & Sinus Effervescent
Alka Seltzer Plus Night-Time Cold Medicine
BC Allergy Sinus Cold Powder
BC Sinus Cold Powder
Comtrex Flu Therapy & Fever Relief
Day & Night Contac 12-Hour Cold Capsules
Contac 12 Hour Caplets
Coricidin D Cold, Flu & Sinus
Dexatrim Caffeine Free
Dexatrim Extended Duration

Dexatrim Gelcaps
Dexatrim Vitamin C/Caffeine Free
Dimetapp Cold & Allergy Chewable Tablets
Dimetapp Cold & Cough Liqui-Gels
Dimetapp DM Cold & Cough Elixir
Dimetapp Elixir
Dimetapp 4 Hour Liquid Gels
Dimetapp 4 Hour Tablets
Dimetapp 12 Hour Extentabs Tablets
Naldecon DX Pediatric Drops
Permathene Mega-16
Robitussin CF
Tavist-D 12 Hour Relief of Sinus & Nasal 
Triaminic DM Cough Relief
Triaminic Expectorant Chest & Head
Triaminic Syrup Cold & Allergy
Triaminic Triaminicol Cold & Cough

I just found out and called the 800# on the container for Triaminic and they informed me that they are voluntarily recalling the following medicines because of a certain ingredient that is causing strokes and seizures in children:

Orange 3D Cold & Allergy Cherry (Pink), 3D Cold & Cough Berry, 3D Cough Relief Yellow 3D Expectorant

They are asking you to call them at 800-548-3708 with the lot number on the box so they can send you postage for you to send it back to them, and they will also issue you a refund. If you know of anyone else with small children, PLEASE PASS THIS ON. THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF!

PEANUT & JOCKO AUDITIONS

Bradric Productions CEO, Jerry McCarty, along with his wife Kathlene (the voice of Jocko) held open auditions for any toon that wanted to be in an upcoming episode of the popular comic seen exclusively in the new McCarty Metro Magazine. Many well known characters showed up for the auditions. The five finalists are shown. They are, Captain TP, the Taco Bell Chihuahua, Goldie the toilet tight rope walking goldfish, Cookie the bean chef, and Roger Rabbit. The winner has yet to be determined.
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Captain TP, the Taco Bell dog, and others auditioned for a part in an upcoming episode of Peanut & Jocko
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Mike On

This guy literally gets a kick
out of Mike's sports page
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RED WINGS TAKE THE ICE AGAIN

There is nothing better than seeing hockey again. Sure, we are going to miss the captain, but I'm sure Nick Lidstrom will do a great job. 

One of the toughest jobs is referee and linesman for the NHL. But fans all over the US and Canada have the utmost respect for the zebras (that's Grand Rapids Press lingo for the referees)

It is always important to root for your team, and not against the opponents, and to give the men in the convict outfits the benefit of the doubt at all times. Remember good sports starts with good sportsmanship.

People reading this may think I'm a little off my rocker, but then again, I did play goalie for many years with a mask that didn't cover my complete head.

Anyways... GO WINGS!!!


THE DETROIT LIONS
THANKSGIVING 2006 LOWLIGHTS

THANK YOU TIGERS
FOR A GREAT SEASON!
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SOCK IT TO 'EM TIGERS - A song from '68

Sock it to ‘em Tigers. Show ‘em how to play
Sock it to ‘em Tigers. We’re with you all the way
So let ‘em have it Tigers. Sock it to ‘em, Sock it to ‘em, too
Detroit is pulling for you. We know that you’ll come through.
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(Name the missing lyrics)
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We’ve got Gator Brown, the #1 Pinch Hitter in Baseball
With McAullife, Oyler, & Wert, you know the enemys gotta fall
There's Willie the Wonder hitting hard and All-Star Al Kaline
With Boss Mayo Smith in charge so all those boys can shine.
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So, Sock it to ‘em Tigers Show ‘em how to play
Sock it to ‘em Tigers We’re with you all the way
So let ‘em have it Tigers Sock it to ‘em, Sock it to ‘em, too
Detroit is pulling for you We know that you’ll come through.


DETROIT TIGERS: THINGS TO DO IN THE OFF-SEASON

Way to go, Tigers! Sure, they turned into a Coyle Park pick-up team in the World Series, but any team that makes it to the Big Dance is to be congratulated. Especially a team that had 800 losses or whatever it was in one season a few years ago. To help the team hit it off right in 2007, we have compiled a handy list to send to GM Dave Dombrowski, Manager Jim Leyland and the rest of the Tiger brain-trust.

1. Order pine tar for the ENTIRE pitching staff.
2. Persuade the Fox network to hire Mario and Rod to do the World Series, without question.
3. Instruct all Tiger hitters to adopt Sean Casey's batting stance. Practice like a dog in the off-season by raising one leg over a fire hydrant. 
4. Instruct ALL Tigers players to adopt the Polanco look. Everyone shaves his head and uses teeth whitener. No exceptions, Magglio.
5. Double the order of Big League Chew.
6. Take pitching staff south in off-season to find carnivals and try to hit the wooden duck and win a prize. (Pretend duck is first base or third base.)
7. If all else fails, tell printers to put disclaimer on Tiger tickets for box and reserved seats near third base and first base: "The Detroit Tigers baseball club and Comerica Park are not responsible for injuries that result from overthrows by pitchers who should know better."
  • DATELINE: OAKLAND TOWNSHIP
    With autumn now settling in, the Twin Lakes McCarty's have to keep a special eye out on their bird feeder they keep in the woods by the golf course. "It is important that our feathered friends get their nourishment, and not the other woodland creatures like the squirrels", says Kristen McCarty. But, it seems that it isn't just birds and squirrels getting into the bird feeder.

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AROUND THE NATION (The dumb get dumber & the smart get smarter)

  • DATELINE: DANGEROUS FOOD WARNING
    Dr. Timothy Jenkins from Tampa General Hospital was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the
    long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and
    we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, 75-year-old, Emil Hepke in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake?"
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  • DATELINE: MERIDIAN, MISSISSIPPI
    George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see out the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No." Then they said, "All patrols were busy. He should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available." George said, "Okay." hung up, counted to 30 and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now ‘cause I've just
    shot 'em all." Then he hung up. Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN IN OCTOBER 2006

From left to right... Boston Celtic President Red Auerbach. Former boxing champ Trevor Berbick. Country star Freddy Fender. Newsman Christopher Glenn. NY Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle. Former Detroit Tiger pitcher Joe Neikro. "Father Knows Best" star Jane Wyatt

AND FINALLY...

  • 4 COUNTRY CHURCHES
    There were four country churches in a rural Texas town: A Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church and a Catholic church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. One day, the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. In the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week. The Methodist church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back. But the Catholic church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter 

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

 

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