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| | If Microsoft Made Cars... |
At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics: For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT.' Then you would have to buy more seats. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault' warning light. New seats would force everyone to have the same back-end size. The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before going off. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.
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| McCARTY METRO POLL We want to find out from our Metro Readers... | What Was Your Very First Car? READER RESPONSES  Kelly McCarty - It was an 18th birthday present from my mom and dad. I walked home from work and wondered whose car was in the driveway. Come to find out... IT WAS MINE!!! Man that car could fly. 8 cylinders and a loud muffler. SCHWEET!!! Jean McCarty - 1984 Blue Chevy Cavalier
It was originally driven by Kristen and her step father Ben. Ben hit an animal, and Kristen smashed it up. They then sold it to Kristen's grandmother, who then sold it to Bob, who then gave it to me. I remember it was a nice riding car. | What Is Your Dream Car? READER RESPONSES Kelly McCarty - A Winnebago
Margaret McCarty - 2007 Red Corvette
Austin McCarty - Ferrari
Jean McCarty - A Blue Cavalier
Gwenda - One that's good on gas and looks good too
Jerry McCarty - 1973 Red Jaguar Convertible, so I can say Jag-u-ar like they do on TV | Larry McCarty - 1975 Yellow Plymouth Roadrunner
My favorite car. It had a black racing stripe, mag wheels, dual exhaust glass packs, and fast. I remember Dad taking it for a drive and squealing the tires for half a block as he peeled out from the house ... and came back and said I'd have to pay all my own tickets. I never got a ticket in the Roadrunner - did I mention it was fast - but I did get nailed in my Chevy Vega - going faster than the numbers on the speedometer. How I wish I would have been in the Roadrunner. Raelene Butkovich - 1969 Ford Galaxy 500
It had more holes in it than steel on it. It was as long as a city block and the steering wheel was a large around as an SUV tire. It was good on gas cuz the cops were pushing it off the road more than it actually ran. Mike McCarty - 1960 red Chevrolet Corvair
Unsafe at any speed? What did Ralph Nader know. I'd take that car again in a heartbeat. Gwenda Perez - 1981 little truck that never ran Jerry McCarty - 73 Chevy Nova
I bought it from Kelly and took it to JC Penneys for a Tune Up. They broke it and paid me $200 more than I bought it from Kelly |
| It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me death?" She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy. "Now," said the teacher, "Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?" Again, no response except from Toshiba: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do." As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: "Damned Japanese." "Who said that?" she demanded. Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," he said. |
| A Highway Sign
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? -- George Carlin Steve-O - Outrunning The Law!  
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| Mike's Greatest Parking Jobs |
Here are 8 photos of Mike's most famous parking jobs. | 
Mike parks for a cruise on the Grand River
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Don't ask!!! |
Mike only parked by the hydrant for 2 minutes | 
"I just couldn't be late to Ryan & Missy's wedding!" |
Parking at Greystone for the DMGC | 
Just pickin' and waitin' for the cops |
Mike visits the cemetary | 
Mike takes his grandson to the park (Oh please... let the boy inherit the male pattern baldness and not grandpa's driving) |
| Optical Illusion? A car next to a van... or just 1 van? 
| A (very) Little Humor
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As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray." From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
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PIMP YOUR RIDE! Xzibit... Eat your heart out. Our Metro readers pimp out these sweet rides.
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