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Jer On Fashion!

Well I know those McCarty Grandbrats are buying all kinds of fancy schmancy clothes so they can look just like their spoiled rotten friends. Just thinking about those Fashion Faux Pas makes me want to scream louder than one of Dennis McCarty’s sport coats. We wore way better fashions than these kids ever dreamed of.

These kids nowadays wear these baggy pants with half their fanny showing. Here’s a piece of fashion advice for ya losers. “The belt goes around your waist, not your buttcrack.” If these Styled Starved Sissies want a lesson in fashion they ought to look at Kelly McCarty. Kelly could go a whole week wearing a JCPenney Quad Suit. On Monday he would wear the powder blue three-piece suit. Then on Tuesday, he would reverse the vest to its plaid side for a totally different look. Then he’d keep reversing and switching until Friday he would wear the same smelly sweaty wrinkled powdered blue suit again. But this time without the vest, and nobody was the wiser. Sure we looked like reversible wrinkled retards, but we didn’t care, we loved it, because we were happy with what we had!!
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And then those little Fad fanatics like to wear those Billabong Surfing Sweatshirts as soon as they feel a little chill coming on. The closest those Style Slackers have ever come to surfing is sitting on their keesters channel-surfing while there parents are trying to watch something good. When my older brothers Michael, Dennis, and Ricky got a little chilly they had the perfect fashion accessory “The Dicky.” The dicky was a turtleneck sweater piece that was just big enough to cover the opening of a v-neck sweater or an open collar shirt. Sure it looked like a bib for Mush Mouth from the Fat Albert Show, but we didn’t care we loved it, because they came in different colors!!

And these fashion followers nowadays have to do whatever their friends do. “Owwwww. I’m going to wear a dress shirt with the shirt-tail untucked so it looks like I’m cool.” Listen kiddies. You still look stupid and if my Mom would ever see you with your fish tails hanging out she’d give you a swift kick in your exposed butt-crack. You need to be a fashion leader like my brother Steve, who wore a cowboy shirt all the way until the 10th grade. Sure he got lots of swirleys, wedgies, and even atomic wedgies, but he didn’t care he loved it, because he thought he looked like Steve Austin..

So forget dressing like your friends and show up for school with your own look. You might even try wearing a cowboy shirt with a dicky and a plaid vest. You probably won’t get a lot of compliments from your friends, but you might get a ride in your own private little yellow bus!


The McCarty Metro
9323 Sussex
Detroit, MI 48228
VE8-9470

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